Dating is really hard for me

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by DrummerSGX92, Jul 4, 2019.

  1. DrummerSGX92

    DrummerSGX92 Fapstronaut

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    Hello everyone; I thought I would make a thread about the troubles that I am facing. Its healthy to vent about problems and issues. Who knows maybe I will find some answers? :)

    Okay I am struggling with online dating, or dating in general. Its not really the make a profile, pictures, or messaging that annoys me but more of the anxiety I deal with on a first date. I have went on 4 dates the past year all leading to anxiety of differing levels. Its a bit frustrating when your heart is beating like crazy, you have no appetite to eat, and then eventually having to go to the bathroom and maybe feel like you need to puke. I can't let this happen; I went out with this beautiful girl yesterday and I ruined it. She hasn't texted back; which is typical from these past dates. It would be nice if they were honest?

    Now what do I do right now to help myself deal with the issues? I meditate, eat right, sleep well, keep busy with my hobbies (My hobbies include being in a rock band drumming, guitar, drawing, writing, working out ect.) , journal, read, put myself out In anxious situations, I do talk to a counselor. Now I tried taking a anti depressant and it made me feel like I was going to die. I suffer too many side effects from medication; for headaches, ect. It seems that I am super sensitive to any sensations that go on when I don't feel right. Which leads me into dreaded health anxiety; worrying about the worst. I deal with pressure headaches a lot.

    I mean its hard enough already that I am 27 a virgin, 130 pounds skinny guy that looks like hes 20 years old. I tried to gain weight but I end up not feeling good because im eating too much.

    I feel like I have too much going on; I mean I am a positive person despite all of these things that bother me, and It has been said I come across as confident. I'm just tired of scaring off girls. When these dates happen, is sucks the energy out of me and I want to just give up for a bit. Dating should be fun; but my body has other plans automatically.

    Thanks in advance for you suggestions and other things. I just want to make some progress.
     
  2. koolpal

    koolpal Fapstronaut

    Years ago, a friend suggested I take social dance lessons. All that physical contact & socializing with 15+ women in 1-hour (rotating dance partners) was a complete sensory overload for me.

    After a couple years, I got used to being around women. Also learned how not to scare them off (or creep them out).

    Hope that helps you on your dates, or get more dates.

    Ref:
    https://rebeccabrightly.com/people-secretly-creepy/
     
  3. LOSEmyselftoSAVEmyself

    LOSEmyselftoSAVEmyself Fapstronaut

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    My suggestion is that the same tolerance mechanism that occurs when we use PMO can be used here too. You will develop a tolerance to the fear, anxiety and/or nerves over time by more exposure. Keep doing it.

    The way it works is to keep trying, keep meeting women, keep talking to them, keep going on dates, don't give up.

    One day you will meet someone awesome, it's a near-certainty.

    I was once like you. When I started, I was terrified. We didn't have you tube videos to use to cope with "approach anxiety" back then, there was no internet yet.

    The more I approached women, I got better at it over time. It took me a year to lose my virginity.

    A really good dating expert on you tube is Dan Bacon. He has a trillion videos about dating, and his way

    is the best. He also sells a program, but his videos are good enough.

    Learn from Dan, and do things the way that Dan suggests, even if they seem like they won't work.

    Sometimes they are hard to do, but just think of that as real practice, and give it your best shot.

    You will succeed.
     

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