Day 1 of NoFap to make myself better for my partner

Hey Siamese,

Read your post and really connected with it. I’m new to cutting out PMO (10 days) but I’ve had a lot of problems with relationships in the past regarding acting out sexually and here are a couple things I’ve learned.


1. You gotta do it for yourself. It’s admirable to want to quit for someone you love, but the change has to come from you. Because YOU want to, not to keep or satisfy anyone else. You have to connect with wanting to make a change in your life regardless of anyone else.

2. Your partner has to be understanding of what you’re going through. You are dealing with a sexual identity and urges that have been around LONG before your partner. If messing up once is enough to end your relationship, it’s gonna end. Your partner has to be a place of support and understanding. If the space is made that only perfection will suffice, you are at high risk for lying and deceiving your partner while trying to “fix things” in the background. Here I speak from a lot of experience- I found myself in that situation a lot growing up and it tore my life in half. I did this for years and it split me into a double life that almost took me completely. Please don’t attempt this - honesty has to remain the policy.

My best advice is to adopt a fully truthful attitude with yourself and your partner. If you slip in your relationship goals, you have to be able to go to your partner and talk, learn and grow together. Now your partner has the right to not want to deal with that amount of relationship “work”, and you have to accept that they have that right. But if you can’t work, learn and grow with a partner - which is never an instantly perfect process - then is it even a relationship?

Things I’ve learned through a lot of heartache - grow because you want to be the best version of yourself and embrace full honesty with yourself and others. It can be done. You’ve got this - feel free to message me if I can be helpful in anyway