Day 7. Porn and chat addict. Struggling but making progress.

I'm married with two kids and have been struggling with an increasing porn and chat addiction that often gets out of control. I lose sleep, spend money, check out, procrastinate and avoid many responsibilities. I feel tired and overwhelmed often and have used porn and chat to self soothe.

This has jeopardized my marriage, work, and health. It has progressed so much that I often am in a brain fog and I feel more "normal" being online than being in the real world. That's a sad progression of addiction that I'm trying to reverse.

The hardest for me is the realization that I can't just have "a little" PMO. Every time I try to allow myself a little diversion, I wind up going back into compulsive behavior and can't stop again. In the moment, I miss the thrill and hit of PMO, but then often feel worse afterwords. Yet I keep doing it.

I'm at 7 days, after making a commitment to myself. It has not been easy at all. One thing that has helped is when I really feel too tired to do something active, and if I really feel I need to veg on the computer, I allow myself but I either do something creative (design, programming, writing) or I watch educational-only videos (languages, art, science, inspiration). I find letting myself watch more positive content has been a helpful substitute. But I still worry that I will get triggered and revert back. So I have to be very careful about not jumping around.

Best wishes to all here that are making the effort to overcome this difficult and destructive addiction!

 

Thanks pilgrim3691, aziz, and HazelBrand! Appreciate the comments and support. I'm coming to terms with the idea of probably always having to be in recovery. And yes, I have to watch out for rationalizing porn use. My addict brain is quite clever and wants to find some angle. And good point about how much time and PMO takes. It is a huge distraction that keeps me from really living. It's really sad to realize how I've gone from enjoying seeing people to preferring most times to being a hermit just to get my fix. Thanks for the encouragement and keep up all your great progress as well!