Difficulty accepting my porn/edging addiction

Monks are not asexual except maybe behaviorally, I forget the source or exact quote but I vaguely recall a fairly well known monastic being asked like what happens in their mind and they said think about sex. A lot.

We're not born with alcohol (or alcoholism) in our veins, we are born with our sexuality. The issue with PMO is it gets hijacked/strongly associated with the porn narrative.

So I think there are two levels here, the honesty in terms of admitting we are addicted as we hear in classical 12 Step, and the level where there's just our innate sexuality. Of course, between the sexuality we're born with and now is all the stuff we've learned through a long history of PMO.

There's acceptance in a general "it's like this" sense, but there's also more specific inquiry into the nature of the thing. Technological enablement is of course a huge factor with PMO, yet other than some people using blockers I don't see that being unpacked in more details for the most part. There's only going to be more of that, if the past 14 months of lockdown has shown anything. I highly recommend people look more closely at the tech use and the relationship to PMO.

 

Perhaps one can draw the line between sexuality and watching pornography. They are totally different things. In the former you potentially engage yourself in an act of connection with another physical human being. The idea that pornography and masturbation are a part of our sexuality is just fluff. It has about enough substance as an ad for consuming soda. The real (at least as close as we can get) movement of sexuality is in finding a mate and engaging in a bond. Watching pornography, on the other hand, is very superficial. It creates a different world in your mind and you consequently have difficulty in navigating that world.

Is pornogrqphy really an appropriate substitute for such a thing? Only your hand and no other physical body is there. You watch porn and you get off, but a different part of your brain and your body are like, "what the hell was that about"? "Did we just release semen even though there is no female around? I'm so confused." Hence the feelings of shame.

As far as intoxicating substances go, they are about a part of us as eating food is. The brain is literally naturally wired with the ability to release feel good chemicals, cannabinoids, they call it. In my understanding, we can "access" that ourselves, through our ability to conjure up different things. Unfortunately, we've made it much easier to fall into external substances that stimulate the feel good, yet lowers your faculties. There is a common ground between addictive activities and that isn't talked about because, through science, we need to divide up eveything in order to isolate causal links and mechanical motions. Which is always perplexing because everything is connected.

 

Quite hard, you seem really deep into this shit my friend. Hope one day you decide to call it quits just like you did with alcohol.

Best of lucks, hug

 

Most alcoholics would agree with that. They drink to numb the pain. In fact, according to the Self Medication Hypothesis, all drugs are used in a attempt to deal with unconfortable feelings/sensations.

Edging is the most harmful of all porn related practices. It has to stop before you can hope to make any progress.

You know that:

• your edging sessions last 12 hours
• It happens every week

This is how you have behaved in the past, and you can expect it to continue in the future.

You know deep down that you are going to relapse anyway, so you must focus on making the relapse the least harmful as possible.

Once you have started edging you know you are not going to stop, that the only possible outcome is an orgasm, so why not skip the edging and go directly to the end?

If you find yourself edging, make a point of orgasming right there. At least you avoid most of the harm.

By all means avoid porn, masturbation, edging and orgasms, as much as possible. But once you have found yourself already edging, its over, there is zero chance you are going to stop, so a quick relapse is the most desirable outcome.

Once edging is gone you will find it much easier to quit other things.

I hope it helps.

(I speak as a former hardcore edger)

 

Continue watching porn as long as you enjoy it. In order to quit you need to realize:
1- I don't like it anymore
2-Its doing more harm than good

Without realizing those you won't be able to quit.