Don’t know what I’m doing here...

My name is Jeremy. I am addicted to internet porn. I started around age 12, now I am almost 33. I am in the generation that there was no internet, birth of the internet and now full speed internet. Thus, masturbation began with the imagination, then finding porno magazines, then abundance of slow loading images all while staying up to 3am on the family computer just outside my parents bedroom. Then a wave of adrenaline when the first 30 second video clips arrived. Now, multiple tabs open looking for the moment’s perfect girls.

I have been attempting to quit with a streak of 10 days. Most often 4, 6 or 7 days. Often between streaks I can give in 2 to 6 times a week. Already I have noticed an ability to masturbate without the porn since beginning my journey. This is something that was impossible a few months ago. Without the physical screen I could not climax and masturbation was a choir. Yet, yesterday I masturbated to porn twice because my wife is out of town.

This is my greatest secret from her and from everyone. Our relationship is great, but telling her this would destroy her. I am religious so I feel condemned for my actions. I know there are a lot of non-religious people quitting PMO as well.

Last night I thought about locking up all of my devices for a while. I could purchase a dumb phone with no internet for $20. Leave my tablet (which I rely on for work) at work. Lock up my iPad and smart phone and change the password to my desktop and put the password in the safe with the other devices. No internet for a month. I think this would keep me from falling to the temptation of porn. I am sure I would still masturbate to my imagination. But, to me, that is a step in the right direction. How can anyone give up both at the same time who is seriously addicted for over 20 years?