Dreams indicate loneliness of masturbation

For some time, I've had dreams where I go off to masturbate. Until yesterday, I've never really given these dreams more thought than regarding them as the conditioning of the mind expressing itself.

But yesterday, I started to piece together the details of these dreams. Almost all of them are in places I don't know, most often what could be described as a shower room in a camp but far deeper and more complex. In the dream, there's never anyone around, but I'm still trying to find a more secluded place to work myself. I find a stall, water never runs. In fact, the whole place looks arid; the tiles are dryly dirty with old use, the soap rack has the hardened scum where shampoo bottles sat. There's never any lube. It's in this recessed and quiet place that I attempt to jack.

The symbolism, once thought about, is obvious. The seed gets spilled in this dry place, like a desert. Plants won't grow there. Real connection won't grow there. I make myself alone when I go to do it, and there's no chance of any real meaning happening there.

I think this is what my subconscious is telling me. The parallel with the shower makes sense. That's been a place of weakness for me. But my brain presented the shower scenario in a way completely unlike any I've been in, for meaning sake, I believe.

 

Growing up, I had very little exposure to porn. Was pretty sheltered. TBH, I didn't really have "sex dreams" for a VERY long time; they probably started after 1) I had been off porn for a long time, and 2) experienced sex-adjacent things with my girlfriend.

The reasons for this are varied a bit. Mostly, I think I'm a more verbal than visual thinker. I was sheltered. I was a bit romantically repressed as a Christian youth.

For me, dreams like the one I described are definitely the canary in the coal mine . . . I gauge my own health by whether or not my unconscious mind still imagines porn or masturbation. I want to listen to my dreams more and take guidance from them.

Hiding from the past and the future I believe. You neglect the fear of future trials and you hide from past pains. Looking at porn is a way to be in the present, but it's probably the least healthy and productive way. People talk about a "flow" state they get in, immersed in the task, forgetful of time. Porn is kind of a cheap version of that. When you pop out of it and land squarely back in time, you've accomplished nothing, thought of nothing, have gained no peace.