Ending the Madness

Hello NoFap Community,
I'm reaching out for help with what has now been a 20 year long struggle with masturbation and pornography. I'm definitely fed up with the deceiving and lying, which has killed relationships with people who, at least I thought I did, felt committed to. I managed to keep my addiction secret from them, but there was always a dark cloud around me, which I know caused me to say and act in ways that are completely unacceptable. I am so fed up and tired with trying to keep the secret, and so fed up with my own lying. I want to consider myself an honest person but I know with this on my back, it's just not true. I've seen many couples in good, honest, wholesome relationships, with such pure intimacy, and I can't tell you how badly I really want that in my life. This addiction has ruined a few chances at a happy, real relationship and I am so seriously sick of things turning out this way. I am determined to start new chapter in my life without porn...