Ex-drug addict can't stop jerking off on Omegle

So basically my wife, who I've known since I was 15 and means everything to me, left me last year because I was a drug addict (among other issues).

I have reason to believe she isn't interested in dating other men and it's likely she won't divorce me. I have every intention of getting her back, but based on her personality, that will likely take years (if, God willing, it happens at all).

My attitude towards sex is that it would be best for me to avoid all forms of sexual activity outside of marriage (including masturbation). I'd rather be voluntarily celibate and a good Christian than be a pathetic incel trying to get laid whenever he can.

I have recently become very religious (traditionalist Catholic), and I believe all forms of non-procreative sex (even within marriage) are grievously wrong.

That being said, I can't go more than 3 or 4 days without jerking off. I do not watch porn (I became desensitized to porn in my teens and it just doesn't turn me on), but recently I have been frequenting the website Omegle and looking for girls to cam with. It is addicting because I am often able to find girls willing to talk about dirty things and describe their sexual experiences to me, and I am even sometimes able to convince girls to get naked on camera for me.

I had someone I trust install blocking software on my computer and then proceeded to spend the next 3 days researching how to disable/uninstall it, which I was finally able to do last night, after which I spent the rest of the night on Omegle looking for girls to jerk off with.

I have been clean off drugs for a year, but I guess I just have an addictive personality and I am prone to giving in to temptation. I have essentially replaced one addiction with another (which is arguably worse).

Also, feelings of hopelessness about the about the situation with my wife lead me to just say "fuck it" and jerk off on Omegle so that I can distract myself from the situation (I'm not looking for advice on that situation, though. Only the Omegle/masturbation issue).

I know it seems very contradictory and even comical for me to come here claiming to be a traditionalist Christian and yet engaging in all this degenerate disgusting behavior.

I want to stop jerking off altogether (it is a mortal sin, after all), but after 3 or 4 days I am just completely overcome with lust to the point that I can't think about anything besides sex. I recently had this happen on day 3 and I resisted and did not do it, but that night I barely slept and I woke up on day 4 hornier than the day before, and I eventually just gave in.

The quarantine is not helping matters, either.

What should I do?

 

What I was missing and needed to find was Jesus.

I mentioned the personal situation I am dealing with. I will not go into too much detail though because I am not looking for advice or opinions regarding that situation.

Thanks for the reply.

 

Well, if I recover her (God willing), it likely won't be soon.

I need to be in a position where if I do recover her, I won't be overcome by lust.

Last time I recovered her after a period of separation, I had been paying for sex while she was gone, and when she came back, I was ALL OVER her, and when she said she needed to take it slow, I immediately relapsed back into drugs.

The church I attend is also SSPX. The priest is very good and has been very helpful to me. I would never go to a "regular" (i.e. Vatican II) church.

I appreciate the prayers.

Has your faith helped you with your vices/addiction at all?

 

Well I see that you have 30 days no PM. I can only do about 3 or 4 before I am overcome with lust to the point where sex is literally all I can think about and it physically hurts if I don't M.

Does it get easier with time? It seems counterintuitive that it would (since sex is a natural urge and my body will just need it more strongly if I go long periods without any release) but I am hoping I am wrong and that God will help me overcome my lust.

P.S. I am new to this forum. How do you add the clean-time counter to your signature?

 

I used to do meditation. It definitely helped with overcoming feelings of lust. Back then I was still doing MO without the P (or Omegle or anything) a few times a week, so I never tried to actually cut it out completely.

 

I may sound like an insensitive person but why don't you try deleting your account and never making one. Also religion may be a savior to many people, but sometimes it makes things worse. A lot of stuff in it can be interpreted in multiple ways and an addict cannot always make the best interpretation out of it and so I would advise you to take things slowly on religious front too.

Start a new hobby, learn to sketch or paint or stitch. Do whatever you have to... Staying busy is a big part of recovery process. And you will need to swallow the tough pill and uninstall stuff from your life that doesn't belong in there.

Best wishes
-MSH

 

Registering an account is not necessary to use Omegle.

I had someone I trust install blocking software (blocking all chat and webcam sites as well as porn) but I then spent lots of time researching how to disable/uninstall it and I eventually succeeded.

I am trying to stay busy. I am taking a few online computer programming classes at my local college. It is hard to stay motivated, though, given everything else going on in my life.

 

Been going on Omegle. Today I was on for a while but gave the computer to someone I trust and didn't jerk off.

It looks like I will have to choose between flunking out of school and PMO (I need computer for school).

I tried having someone install blocking software but I just figured out how to disable it.

 

Update: I MO'ed lots of times the last 2 days but without Omegle or P. Today I went on Omegle but could not find a girl and then I got disgusted with myself.

I got very cold and I felt like I was letting evil spirits take hold of me, if that makes any sense. So I signed off without MO.

I am living in a house in the middle of the woods right now. I am going to go deep into the woods and set up a tent and stay there until quarantine ends. I will cook, wash clothes, sleep, and do everything outdoors, and I will not have internet access. I will spend my free time meditating, praying, and reading the Bible and other spiritual books. I feel like that is all I can do to rid myself of these evil spirits and stop ruining my life with PMO.

Hopefully after the quarantine ends, I will have enough time clean from PMO that it will be easier not to go back. Also, hopefully I will have my job back, which would be a big help.

 

Hi fapstronauts friends. Those who believe in God and I believe after a long scientific, rational research that led me not to put chance, chaos, necessity on top of Creation, should fight against pornography, even before masturbation. Pornography is the evil of the 20th and 21st centuries. Our natural sexual behavior comes before pornography, while pornography was created to change our sexual behavior, as a reaction to religious precepts by atheists, enlightenmentists, progressives, anti-Christians. Non are the scientists who created pornography, but the humanist intellectuals. It is a product of "reason", not of faith or heart. When we masturbate with P, we are thinking of our body as devoid of soul, a biological instrument of pleasure, not a temple of the Holy Spirit or for those who do not believe, of primordial creative energy.
Masturbation is not sexual behavior. Attraction, courtship, mating are the ethological stages of sexuality. In the animal world, except for rare cases, masturbation is not a foundational behavior for sexuality.