Ex staying with me for Valentine's Day week OH JOY!! NOT!

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Tesslynne, Dec 19, 2016.

  1. Tesslynne

    Tesslynne Guest

    OK so as if Valentine's Day isn't going to be sucky enough already...it usually is!

    I just found out my ex who is now just a friend is going to be staying with me over that Valentine's Day week. Oh FFS!

    Like you know, there is my epic romantic failure rubbed in my face on the most "romantic" day of the year. LUCKY me!

    Just wanted to vent, to get that out. And it's not like i can book a hotel and shag MYSELF on the day (on weekend) cos you know NoFap and all that.
    AARRGGHHHHHHHH
    damn it!

    We ARE friends and like sometimes we go out AS FRIENDS only. Like we might see a movie tonight, for e.g. and sometimes we get a meal. But we mostly live in other countries now and everything and he's with someone new, they are married and have kids and whereas I'm single LUCKY ME. Not that I want marriage and kids, I don't!

    But I DO want a boyfriend and i haven't even had a date since late October. Even that was over quickly and wasn't the big romance I would have liked and it's bust now.

    I know, I know, some of you probably thing oh diddums!

    But still, to me it feels like AARGGHHHH DAMN IT
    this is NOT how I want to spend what i already find to be the most suckiest day of the year on the most suckiest month of the year (the weather in this country is terrible in February usually worst of whole year!) I'm actually GLAD Feb is usually only 28 days! Not so fond of march either, unless Easter holidays falls then, which makes it heaps more fun! I think every other month I DO like. :) Including December (Christmas cheer), January (New Year's Hope) and April (warmer weather starts up again, and I can get back into hiring a bike and cycling through the city's beautiful big park I like to cycle through again :) and May with the flowers. etc etc. I love Autumn, Summer and Spring. And Christmas. And outdoor skating. But February? And Valentine's day? go away! and never come back!

    Of the suckiest season of the year. (Now if the ice skating outdoor season was longer it wouldn't suck, that'd be awesome, but they are wrapping it up early January.)

    If I had the money I swear I would travel somewhere that V Day weekend, but I don't.

    Maybe I can save up for next year :)
    If the airports don't get snowed out.

    Sorry, just venting.

    I WILL try to think positively about this. Right now I am so mad I don't even want to go to the movies with him but that movie sounds AWESOME and mmm popcorn!

    So, one day at a time, and priority numero Uno is get through these days without relapsing LOL!

    And I WILL be trying hard to think more positively and gratefully cos I know I need to and I got a really cool book that might help me.

    But STILL! And yes I wish he would stay somewhere else!
    He has an appointment with his lawyer on the 10th or something of Feb. and says he can't change it. URGHH. OK anyway I got it out of my system, I'll try to not let this get to me cos right now? I HATE Valentine's Day and February 2017 already, I REALLY DO. Ugh not a week. 5 Feb till end of March. OH JOY! NOT!!!!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 19, 2016
  2. SnowWhite

    SnowWhite Fapstronaut

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    @Tesslynne

    Who split the relationship originally up ?


    Your post already looks like an emotional explosion - long and caps lock ;) - so there is much emotion behind this !

    It seems to me that you need to set boundaries. You have problems just stopping him or talking clearly to him and that's making you so emotionally upset!
     
    TooManlyForSalad and F50C137YZ like this.
  3. Tesslynne

    Tesslynne Guest

    Me, but because we were living and working in different countries and only seeing each other a few months a year at that point and he wanted kids and I don't.

    It wasn't an easy decision but I made it with both of us in mind.

    I wanted the best for both of us and well he HAS met someone over there now and has two lovely kids and he's loving being a father. But having my ex stay with me, it's like I've got used to it in a way and we CAN be friends now and hang out which is nice but sometimes it feels like a big fat reminder of my longest and failed relationship. And not what I want with me on Valentine's Day week.
     
  4. SnowWhite

    SnowWhite Fapstronaut

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    I am very pleased to hear that you did this. I can imagine that it was not easy for you.

    I think you should really tell him that.
    It will uplift your self confidence.

    Maybe you think he will upset, but he will not be.
    It will even improve your friendship.

    Maybe let your emotions roll now, then condense it to a few lines you tell him.
     
    F50C137YZ and Tesslynne like this.
  5. Tesslynne

    Tesslynne Guest

    No, he knows, I DID tell him.
     
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  6. SnowWhite

    SnowWhite Fapstronaut

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    And what was his answer ?
     
  7. desiboy

    desiboy Fapstronaut

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    He knows you're not up to having him stay over on V day, and he's still staying? I don't know you two so I can't really judge, but that does sound kinda jerkish to me. If I knew I wasn't wanted at a friends place sometime, I wouldn't go.
     
    F50C137YZ and Tesslynne like this.
  8. F50C137YZ

    F50C137YZ Fapstronaut

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    I'm just seeing this. You have it within your power to say, "No, you can find somewhere else to stay. I'm not comfortable with you staying with me."

    It might be hard, but it sounds like you want to turn him down and he's pressuring you. Be strong, say no and if he doesn't accept that, then he is not your friend and maybe cutting him out of your life would be a good option.

    I'm not trying to tell you what to do. I'm just observing what it seems like you want from what you have said in your posts.

    I'm going to tell you a story to illustrate that you DO have a choice in this matter and it is within your power to say no.

    A few years back, I moved out of state. I moved in with two friends, a guy and a gal. They were dating. About two months into our lease, gal gets pregnant and guy tells me that they've been trying to get pregnant. They didn't tell me this upfront, which upset me, but I dealt with it and I came to terms with it.

    They got married and completely changed their lifestyle, again, also planned and didn't tell me until later. We went from all smoking weed, hanging out, playing video games, playing music, going out on the town to them converting to Jehovah's Witnesses that wanted to convert me. I also worked with the guy and he constantly talked about religion at work.

    I came to terms with all of this! Ok? I bent backwards to try to make this work until the lease was up. Then they dropped a bomb on me. When the baby was born... her Dad, her mom, her sister/bf, his mom, his dad, his sister, his brother/wife, would all be staying with us. The catch, I supposedly had no say in the matter.

    I finally drew the line. I said, "Hell no, this is not ok. I'm not ok with this. I love you guys to death, but this is not happening." They said, "Too bad, it is happening and you don't have say. End of story."

    Short story long, I started packing my shit in my car one Sunday while they were gone at church. They came back as I was doing it and asked what I was going. I said, "I'm moving out. You said that I didn't have a say. I guess that means that this isn't my home even though my name is on the lease." He started screaming at me, calling me a loser and every name in the book saying that I couldn't do this as I was walking up and down the stairs.

    I moved back to my home state with my mom. They threatened to sue me and all of this. It never transpired and they made amends and apologized for putting me through that.

    I could have made an excuse by saying, "I don't have a choice. I'm stuck in the lease, blah blah blah." Instead, I got creative and made my own choice. It sucked that I moved back with my mom, but it was better than the alternative.

    This is YOUR home. You don't have to put anyone up ever. No matter who they are, they could be the fucking president of the US.

    There is no law stating that you have to accommodate this man (your ex). Stand up for yourself! Don't be passive aggressive. Just say NO!
     
  9. Carol235

    Carol235 New Fapstronaut

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    I can't certainly judge on this as I don't know you both personally.
     
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  10. Tesslynne... if I can ask a hard question or two. Are you at all concerned he'll try to get his leg over when he stays over? For old times sake and all that. Are you concerned that given your struggle at the moment you could instigate something?
     
  11. SnowWhite

    SnowWhite Fapstronaut

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    That's something I am interested in, too. Because I have a girl-friend, with whom I once had a short romantic encounter, but I would really like to have normal friendly contact with her, because we had many other things in common. It could be a great friendship, but I suspect that she is kind of tracking back from me, because it might invoke feelings in her.
     
  12. Are you or her with someone else now?
     
  13. SnowWhite

    SnowWhite Fapstronaut

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    I am in a relationship, she is single and searching.
     
  14. And you wonder if she might fancy a booty call? If you have a new partner and this previous relationship wasn't a VERY long time ago I recommend her not staying with you.
     
  15. SnowWhite

    SnowWhite Fapstronaut

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    It is a very long time ago.
     
  16. How long?
     
  17. SnowWhite

    SnowWhite Fapstronaut

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    3 years.
     
  18. MyNameIsX

    MyNameIsX Fapstronaut

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    I once got asked in December "you're not doing anything on valentine's day are you?". They wanted me to do a job for them. Being a pussy, I agreed to do the job instead of arranging some sort of love life.
     

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