Feeling so down...

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by kelvin_ndmn, Dec 26, 2018.

  1. kelvin_ndmn

    kelvin_ndmn Fapstronaut

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    Today marks my 61 days non-PMO.

    Although i did a lot of exercises (jogging, yoga, gym, meditation)... many times of a day i felt so empty and purposeless...

    Going to gym room, many legging hot gals keep triggering me... Don't know how to block the brain... I can feel the sexual energy in my body is so strong and so burning...

    Am i living in hell? Thirsty but can't drink? Hungry but can't eat?... kind of suffering
     
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  2. Limitbreaker

    Limitbreaker Fapstronaut

    Im not that kind of hardcore Fapstronaut anymore but i can relate to those void feelings, feelings of being lost.

    A really wise tantric woman once told me, we do only feel lost and empty when we are disconnected from our bodies and our soul.
    Its totally ok to feel down and melt down. It does not mean to stay there, just maybe your body wants you to rest or he wants to let you see something.
    In my case my body wants me to reconnect me with my vision for my life and with the many special gifts i have to offer this world.
    Maybe your soul wants you to talk to a woman with those hot leggings, its not about having sex, your soul lusts for other humans, for having fun, doing sports together and enjoying life.

    I dont want you to break your streak or to masturbate. But keep in mind, that doing 90 days without masturbating does not solve every problem in your life. You may have more energy, but in the end we are sexually human beings, and its ok.
     
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  3. nef

    nef Fapstronaut

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    Ignore Ignore Ignore and play song in mind focus on the lyrics
     
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  4. kelvin_ndmn

    kelvin_ndmn Fapstronaut

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    Thanks bro for a very thoughtful reply. My mood is up & down. Non-PMO does boosting the sexual energy to a very high level. And I know that i am a genuine addict. I don't want to feed my 'monstrous-brain' with the PMO drug anymore. My eyes are its mouth too. I am guarding my vision more to avoid triggers, and this does help.

    Wishing all a happy & meaningful nofap life.
     
    Shawniac likes this.
  5. Hey man, this is my first post but I can relate to what you're feeling. Hang in there man. I have some crazy addictions to porn and I struggle hard with relapsing. But I'm determined and confident about this time and all I can say is just push on through the loneliness my friend. Deep breaths and meditation are key.
     
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  6. motion2082

    motion2082 Fapstronaut

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    I totally know what you're going through. I have felt like this the past 10 days as well. The first 15 days were hard. Day 15-30 I had so much energy then I flatlined around the 40 day mark. Now I feel like you. I want to have some hot sex with a human but I don't feel attracted to my partner anymore and I don't know how to satisfy my sexual urges since giving up PMO. Very tempted lately to look at naked images but I know that counts as a relapse so trying to resist giving up that easy.
     
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  7. davem7

    davem7 Fapstronaut

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    hang out with friends, meet with new people
     
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  8. Peace467

    Peace467 Fapstronaut

    Hey your doing the right things, maybe you need to find something else that gives meaning to your life?

    If all your doing is trying not to-relapse then thats all you will think about.

    Ultimatly those feels towards girls are from a good place, wanting to have a relationship with someone is not a bad thing, its when thise desires get missplaced (like watching porn) that it becomes an issue. You dont have to dent those feelings, accept them as part of you, relax around them and look for a way to channel them into something good and worthy.

    In my mind its like building a fire: If you build a fire on the floor of your house, it will burn the house down. But if you build the fire in the fire place, it can be a benefit to many people and bring them warmth :)!
     
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  9. Peace467

    Peace467 Fapstronaut

    Man this sounds like a tough situation, why dont you feel attracted to your partner anymore?
     
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  10. motion2082

    motion2082 Fapstronaut

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    Last year we had a few heated arguments. There were a few emotion personal attacks thrown at me which really upset me. Saying things like "ur a fkn useless person, i hate u, fuck off , I'm not in a relationship with you, more like a friendship, get the picture we're done" but then a few days later she calms down and pretends nothing was ever said. The root cause of this argument was her missing her train because she forgot her train ticket and I didn't get it to her on time which resulted in her missing her train which triggered the personal attack which actually stems from her pissed off about me being self(un)employed at the time and not committing to marry her after being engaged for 3 years. That's just a couple of examples. Over xmas she took a holiday without me (second one last year) and has been sleeping in the spare room for over three weeks. I guess you could say the PMO made me NOT happy with her physically and PMO was also an escape from the years of emotional abuse I was receiving. I live interstate and have no family/friends so I have always had a fear of leaving her. Plus we have a beautiful dog which I love more than my partner. So it really is a complicated issue. Deep down she has a heart but she has a really bad temper and is quite a controlling person who likes to put you down more than boost you up. It's a toxic relationship I should have ended 8 years ago when the first temper tantrum occured.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 16, 2019
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  11. Peace467

    Peace467 Fapstronaut

    Man this really sound tough. I’m going to preface this with the fact that I have no experience in relasionships but that does not sound a healthy place to be at all. Emotional abuse is NOT a good thing. I feel like this goes well beyond a PMO issue if I’m honest.

    My instinct is telling me that you should get out of the relationship ASAP anyways. She doesn’t seem to have respect for you and rather then being supportive is feeding into your insecurities. It’s always tough.

    What are your feelings on this?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 16, 2019
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  12. Shawniac

    Shawniac Fapstronaut

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    Well said brother!!!
     
  13. Shawniac

    Shawniac Fapstronaut

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    @motion2082 I couldn't agree with @Peace467 more. You are holding onto the relationship even after what she did to you. This means that somewhere down the line u really love her or have a thing for her. Maybe you could work this out, make her sit down and talk to her. Confront her if u feel it's right and tell her that if she wants this relationship to be working then she gotta play some role in it. The most u could do is to come to a friendly compromise to take a break. This will give you some time to assess your stance.
     
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  14. motion2082

    motion2082 Fapstronaut

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    The shortest words to describe my relationship is "always walking on eggshells". I wake up one day and things are fine then I wake up some days and encounter the psycho robot. I think Bill explains it the best



    I have been put down quite a lot over the years and a lot of it brews from her own insecurities or inability to communicate and show love. This stems back to her childhood where she was given up for adoption when she was very young. Having not been loved as a child until age 13 resulted inheriting a lot of negative bad behaviours as a child. It hasn't all been bad though. She was quite supportive at times as well when I would have to go away on long deployments. Makes it a hard situation as she knows what she wants: kids/marriage/house whereas I don't know if I want those things. Sometimes I feel like we a totally different people and even though we can do stuff together we're not the best team. Ever heard the term couples who play together stay together. Well we don't do any playing at all.

    It's difficult to end the relationship for a few reasons

    1) Our Cavoodle who we both love very much
    2) Ending a 10 year relationship means you have wasted someone's time, getting over that can be very difficult
    3) Money, Cost of Living - it's much more expensive and harder to live on your own in your late 30's
    4) Fear, if I instigated the break up with no friends/family support it could get very ugly. There is no telling what would happen
    5) I haven't made a break up plan for what to do if that happens
    6) Guilt and shame for stringing the relationship on this long

    Over the past month we have been quite civil and haven't had any fights like the one I spoke about above which was in Nov last year. This probably has to do with the fact that she is sleeping in the spare room and we just do our own thing. Still the facts remain:

    1) The love isn't there and hasn't been for quite some time
    2) Nasty words have been exchanged
    3) Changing careers has meant I can't progress in life until I work my way back up the ladder. I no longer have a stable salary and I have lost over $50K in income in the past 12 months due to bad decisions.
    4) Three years engaged and I'm still not keen on going through with the marriage because I don't "feel the love"
    5) Money, I have savings whereas I'm not sure what her financial position is. Based on her spending over the past few years I would say not good.
    6) We're isolated 3500km away from close family and friends
    7) Our Cavoodle is the glue in the relationship and has been for quite some time
     
    Last edited: Jan 19, 2019
  15. Peace467

    Peace467 Fapstronaut

    I’ve had a long think. I’m going to re-iterate that I have no real relationship experience (so take this with a pinch of salt).

    To me you sound like housemates, except even I don’t walk on eggshells around my housemates.

    I understand that it’s hard, but to me, it sounds like neither of you are really happy. I know your worried that you’ve wasted 10 years if you stop now, but, if im being honest, it sounds like at some point down the line this relationship will end, you might be saving everyone time ending it now.

    I know you have lots of concerns (and they are all real, valid concerns) that need but I think they are all concerns that can be overcome with proper thought and care. Personally, If there is no love there is no way you should get married (or even be together) and that staying together long term in this state might do both of you more harm then good.

    Sorry, I feel like should have asked this sooner - but have you had a chat with her about any of this?

    Right now I think there are two good options: Maybe you can plan to end it and get things in place to make it a smooth transition when it happens? Or go to some form of relationship

    My feeling is that if you let this go on for years, neither of you will be truly happy and both of you might miss some greater blessing that can come from the future.
     
  16. cjman919

    cjman919 Fapstronaut

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    Repent, the kingdom of heaven is at hand! Gospel of John and Revelation of John kjv are scripture!
     

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