Fighting the urges!

After 5 days of no PMO ,or MO, my body started to show withdrawal symptoms, which I appreciate very much because that means I am reaching the breaking point, it's like the peak of the mountain, it doesn't go any higher, it starts to go down afterwards, but dealing with it, it's a challenge.

I was at work feeling anxious, shaky, sweaty, confused, disoriented, fogged, thinking I might fall again if I don't do something. I was right in front of my computer (the office computer) with an open/unfiltered access to the internet; it's like an open window for the suicidal.

My balls felt swollen and I felt my heart beating in my ball-sacks... I closed my fists tightly and said: This ain't gonna happen, God doesn't want this and He's not gonna let me fall so easily. So I started praying and thanking God with my eyes opened. I got up from my chair, went away from my PC, grabbed my iPhone with safe internet and logged in the forum. I read some success stories which really inspired me to continue. My brain was not thinking anymore of the urge but felt excited thinking about freedom.

Then I went outside to breathe some fresh air and suddenly felt surrounded by beautiful women and in my mind, my imagination, they were all tempting me to commit lustful acts. I kept turning my head to look somewhere else and think of something else as my heart pounded in my chest. I was feeling very awkward, guilty actually, because I know I have a perverted mind and a distorted view of women because of P, and I feel afraid that if I look at a woman, she would be able to read my mind and notice my perversion.

That, I think, it's one of the reasons I haven't been able to even dare to form a healthy relationship with someone of the opposite sex, because I feel guilt.

Thanks to God I restrained myself from M and fantasizing with women. I was able to get home, get a cold shower and log in again to this website. Read some more stories, struggles, and reminded myself what I'm fighting for.

Tonight I'm going to church and end the day with a prayer.

Thank God for another day!

 

Thanks for the support ulaangom, I really appreciate it.

Relapsing is not an option.

Wish you the best as well. Be strong, stay strong.

 

anjunabeats, you don't know how healthy this is for me right now, all your support, motivational comments and knowing that other people are looking for the same thing as I... FREEDOM!

It's awesome.

Before I signed up at the NoFap forum/community I tried to quit but whenever I reached 5 days or so I didn't feel any progress at all, but now I feel like I have climbed Mount Everest with all you guys.

This definitely is one of my most powerful tools to emerge victorious, the first one being God of course and then this community. You cheer me up.

As for you bro, you are gonna be my motivation. I'm gonna try to always be 7 hours ahead of you, haha. I will be monitoring you, xD.

Don't let me down man!