Finally Posting

Hi everyone, Im a 25 year old male in California. I started using porn when I was 12 and have used it heavily ever since. I've tried quitting more times than I can count for various reasons (i.e., religion, getting caught, waste of time, etc.), however I've never been able to last more than 18 days. At times I'm able to get a streak going of about a week, but because I work at home some days, I feel like I HAVE to do it otherwise I'll never be able to stop thinking about it. So then I rationalize that if I just do it and get it over with, then I can get on with being productive, even though I know that I end up feeling bad about relapsing, lose focus, and my energy decreases, all resulting in the exact opposite of my rationalizing of the behavior.

I've had many relationships before, and I'm currently living with my girlfriend of 2 years. In the past year and a half I've started noticed some of symptoms of PIED, not necessarily being unable to get hard at all, but definitely feeling like it would take longer than it used to, which would then make me nervous that my girlfriend would notice and think that I wasn't getting aroused by her.

I browsed nofap a couple of years ago, and I've educated myself on all the effects porn has on the brain, but an issue of mine is that I learn a lot about the topic as a way to make it seem like I'm doing something but never end up taking any action. This is why I say I'm finally posting, because I truly want to be involved in this community and not only get support about something that can feel like such a lonely, impossible journey, but to also lend support to you guys whenever I can. I'm tired of being a lurker. I want to participate and believe in myself enough to achieve my full potential.