Finally time.

Last week it hit me like a ton of bricks that I was about to lose the love of my life. We parted a year and a half ago after 5 years together on the basis that I at some point would like to have kids, and she does not. This was true, but I know and couldn't admit that the true cause was my addiction to porn and my misguided imagination that being single would give me the opportunity to fulfil all these desires stemming from years of PMO.
We stayed friends as it wasn't a bad break up, the timing of a career change for us both made it a little easier. I have had intimate encounters with others in our time apart (which even they were evidently affected by my brains rewiring from PMO) as well as going to some dark places. Nothing has been close in fulfillment to the time I had with my ex.
Then she told me last week she was booked to go across the world to meet a guy for a 2nd date. That's obviously quite serious! I felt sick and couldn't calm my racing heart. Then came all the realisations of what I was letting go and the real selfish stupid reasons why. I may be lucky enough to save this before it is too late, and so I am here, to finally kick this demon and not lose the best thing that ever happened to me! I look forward to being part of this community. Thanks in advance!