So quick history. Been at it since I first found out what M was. Magazines in the 90s, sneaky visits to sex shops for videos, then along came the Internet. Had plenty of *late for work" days incuding one where I spent 2 hours trying to remove one of those fake "police have locked your computer" overlays. In 2013 I think it was, I had a heart to heart with my wife as things had started to become less frequent in that area and it turns out she felt unwanted and ignored. I had been "cheating" on her with digital substitutes and hadn't noticed the subtle signs I was giving out. She was actually quite relieved as she was starting to think I was cheating with another actual woman. I convinced her to try chastity play with me "her locking me up" would give her the security and control she needed but in hindsight this was just me acting out another kink I think. I think I had found the wrong solution as the chastity community also talk about the positive "changes" that occur after going without for extended periods. Her heart wasn't in it and the device just reminded her of why we were doing it. Chastity can work but needs two people to mean anything. And it is quite a faff tbh. I did well and held off the PMO for a few months, things did seem to improve between us too. She said she always know when I'd been up to something as I was snappy and more prone to anger. I noticed this myself so started trying to PM with ruined O as this seemed to have less effect on my mental state. Cut forward a few years and I have tried to quit a few times. I went a long time just doing PM edging with no O as if this was OK as it cut back on the angry moods but still left the guilt and was a massive time sink. Triggers were often stressful work projects when wfh alone, just a quick one, then I'll get this document finished or sometimes just boredom. Still the guilt or panic when 2 hours had disappeared though and wife's still not in the mood very often. I'm convinced it's subconscious signals I was still sending her. Had a few times when we actually made time and she was unable to finish me off, left her feeling a failure despite my protestations to the contrary. I guess the death grip has set up a certain expectation in my penis which her previously perfectly adequate methods no longer satisfied. So spiral of not getting it much, PMMM (edge) or PMO, fail when I do get it, make wife feel like shit (her words) and suspect that I'm doing it myself - who am I kidding, of course she knew - repeat..... Epiphany came when I watched a documentary on Channel 4 UK called Generation Porn recently. Episode 2 was "How porn is changing us" and featured a recovered guy with a similar story to me but a lot younger. He was using an app so his wife could keep an eye on him but that was too much for me. I searched the app store and instead found an app called Reboot. So here I am with 10 days of not searching for porn, looking at any kind of substitute or touching things I shouldn't. Feeling more confident and working hard on a new patio every waking hour I'm not working to keep myself busy. The app asks me every day "did you look at porn". Its only an app but I don't want to lie to it and so far it's working. Had a coupe of strong urges come welling up out of nowhere and had to find something to do quickly but so far it's not been too difficult. I think it's the absolute determination to push through with it this time. Sorry that was a bit longer than I expected. Simon
Welcome to nofap. I'm glad to see you join the community Congratulations on taking the first step to a better life. You've made the right choice, but there will come times when it won't seem so. Those times will test you and put you through a lot of grief. In those times, have a look at Relapse and Reset Reports section and remind yourself of the grief this habit can bring. There will also come times when you doubt your cause and second guess yourself. In those times, try exploring the Success Stories Section to see where the nofap challenge can lead people. Finally, there will come times when you feel like you just don't have it in you. In those times, look at yourself in a mirror and tell yourself you can do it. Because you can. It definitely isn't an easy journey, but it sure as hell is a beautiful one. If you want to delve deeper into the specifics of nofap and understand how exactly it improves your life, take a look at www.yourbrainonporn.com and read the introduction there. The biology of this addiction is very well decomposed on that website. You are not alone in this journey. The entire community is here to support you and help you grow. On the rare occassion that you meet unfriendly people, please report them and don't engage them in arguments. Our moderators work very hard to keep this place positive and will respond at their earliest convenience. This message isn't automated, so feel free to reply if there's anything else you want answered Just remember why you joined this forum. Never forget your cause; it is your strongest weapon in this fight. Be brave ♡
Hello and welcome! We are glad to have you as a part of our community. Here are some quick links to get you started. Getting Started Guide | How to Use the NoFap Forums | Panic Button |Day Counter | Rebooting Resources|Forum Rules | Glossary If you wish to keep a journal of your progress you can do so in the appropriate section found here There are plenty of wonderful, friendly and knowledgeable people here to help you along on your journey to a life free of PMO. I wish you nothing but the best!
Heyyy welcome to the NoFap forum : ) It's nice to see you here fighting the good fight alongside us! I strongly advise you to be active on your profile; start by choosing an avatar and then make daily posts to show you're active and needing support/encouragement. They've got a neat little feature that shows freshly posted statuses for all users to see. People will find your profile and give you encouragement/support. You should also highly consider creating a public journal (in the appropriate sectionfor you ) and write about your days in more depth for us members to follow along on your journey! ★ People love to communicate in the profiles section and also the journal section. We need more supportive people though, we could always use your help and in return receive some as well! Last but not least: Good luck on your journey here, make sure to really give it a try with all your heart!
So much of what you said in the beginning of this post could have been my words. The time wasting, the latent anger, the blaming her while satisfying myself. I can relate. Post often and learn from others. Life can get better.
Believe it or not, the Chastity thing came from me googling with the word (and I'm not proud) Frigid. Was (and is) never her fault.
