Flip Phone Fiasco

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by TheRoadGoesEverOnAndOn, Apr 16, 2018.

Which should my husband use?

  1. Smart phone

  2. Flip phone

Results are only viewable after voting.
  1. TheRoadGoesEverOnAndOn

    TheRoadGoesEverOnAndOn Fapstronaut

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    I don't blame all of my husband's addiction on his smartphone, but it definitely brought it to another level where he didn't need to be attached to WiFi and was able to watch multiple times a day in multiple places. I blame myself for not speaking up when he switched from a flip phone to a smart phone (which was only two years ago, because he knew I had concerns about it). But he gave me a studious list of reasons why he needed a phone for work or how he'd finally be able to video chat with the kids and have a GPS, so I bit my tongue and gave in. And here we are in exactly the mess I was dreading.

    The smartphone in question (loaded with security software) has finally died, and yesterday he was going to take it in to get it fixed or get a new phone. I told him flat out - do not get a new phone. My phone is new and I know there are ways to access P and P-subs that the security software can't catch. Sure enough, he came home with a shiny new phone. He immediately gave it to me to put under lockdown but I was livid. Why would he do the ONE THING I asked him not to do? I had explained to him why I didn't want him to get a new phone; why didn't he want that too? He claims he "looked" at durable flip phones, but then said there were none on display, then that he needed a smartphone for work and he'd be embarrassed without one.

    So I ask you this: is it irrational of me to expect him to use a flip phone in 2018? Can you still access P on a flip phone? Or would we be safer installing software on a smartphone so I can have peace of mind that I wouldn't be able to have on a flip phone? Will he resent me and set back our recovery even further if I push him into a flip phone?

    Please vote in my poll, lurkers.
     
  2. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    Nice to see you again...:)
    And he can resent you if he wants, it doesn't change the fact that it's he who broke the boundaries and now he should deal with the consequences.
    Flip phone time.
    Not listening is disrespectful.
     
  3. Queen_Of_Hearts_13

    Queen_Of_Hearts_13 Fapstronaut

    Dude, get him a flip phone! I still have a flip phone from two years ago, that I can always open up again for usage. I keep it because... what if something happens to his phone, and yes... the newer phones have ways to access things that softwares aren't catching... I even told my husband that we aren't getting new phones once ours are paid off. We will stick with the ones we have.

    And yes, like @Kenzi said, not listening is disrespectcul.
     
  4. TheRoadGoesEverOnAndOn

    TheRoadGoesEverOnAndOn Fapstronaut

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    He just called me from his new flip phone. He went in to exchange them and make amends. Today it sounds like he doesn't have any reservations about switching. Thanks for all your feedback :)
     
  5. TheRoadGoesEverOnAndOn

    TheRoadGoesEverOnAndOn Fapstronaut

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    Help! The flip phone has an unrestricted browser. I was able to open and play a video with no problem. There aren't a lot of settings or parental controls. Any advice?
     
  6. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    Get a accountability software
     
  7. TheRoadGoesEverOnAndOn

    TheRoadGoesEverOnAndOn Fapstronaut

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    We can't download anything on the flip phone. It's really basic. I think I feel better with a smartphone loaded up with accountability software. He's going back to the store to ask in person about locking down a smartphone.
     
  8. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    If it has web access, you can get Ever Accountable put on it through the website without a app
     
  9. CrimsnBlade

    CrimsnBlade Fapstronaut

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    Turn off data on his number. You should be able to go into your account and do that. I used to have to do that with my phone each month. Just go in, turn it off, and no internet access or access to any apps or anything.
     
  10. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    That doesn't stop him from making a wifi connection
    But it's a good idea
     
  11. Flip Phone or Smartphone. Wifi or no wifi. It doesn't change anything, by the end of it!
    Trust me on this. I switched from a very good data plan to no internet at all on my smartphone. And relapsed! I tried putting filters on both my smartphone and my laptop and circumvented it!
    I switched from smartphone to flip phone trying to stay off Porn but still relapsed.I have been using my flip phone for over 2 years now and I don't see no progress at all.

    You must understand, it's not the technology at fault, it's the mind of the addict at fault.
    When an addict wants his drug, he will find it, even if you hide it behind 7 locks. It's not use!
    And I'm talking from my own experiences here:When I had no phone or no internet at home, I would go to the library or at work and do what I had to do! :(
    Shit, this brings bad memories just reminding it but don't push him on using or stopping him from anything, because it will only get worse. BUT, you must make him understand why is he doing what he is doing, if he doesn't all your efforts will go in vain.
    The only thing that will work is understanding when those urges are there and just kindly say no...and move on

    On that note, feeling very tempted to watch something but I know where that leads me to so...if you belive in God, Please pray for me! :(
     
  12. CrimsnBlade

    CrimsnBlade Fapstronaut

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    True. I didn't know flip phones could even access wifi. They still sell burner phones that don't have wifi. I bought one exactly for this reason and had it for 2 years and it worked fine. I think it was a Nokia Z432. They're like $40 or so on Amazon.
     
    Kenzi likes this.
  13. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    Now... THAT'S a good idea
     
  14. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    This is when Beepers should make a comeback....
    #justsaying
     
  15. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    $30-100$ on Amazon.com


    If they can't respect the flip phone... I say, it's time for Beepers with Boundaries!
     
    Castielle and Deleted Account like this.
  16. Numb

    Numb Fapstronaut

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    I have no phone, I hate talking on the phone. My BF has a flip phone, a very basic one and was able to access p with it. If the phone has internet he can view p on it. And I can find no way to block sites or the internet on it. I do think there are phones with no internet access, but I am not 100% on that. I don't think you are wrong in your feelings at all. If he NEEDS a phone and you expressed your discomfort with it then it should have been discussed father. He ignored your wishes so he wouldn't be embarrassed by not having a smartphone.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  17. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    Accountability software is Not blocking software, it does not block... But it allows them to make the choice whether or not to be accountable.
    It just shows you, even in incognito, when a bad choice has been made.
    This is why, I personally, prefer it.
     
  18. Just me

    Just me Fapstronaut

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    I second the accountability software. It literally blocks nothing but uses the accessibility feature to read text on the screen-you get a full history of everything he does on the phone. It also monitors ALL apps. Accountable2you is another good option. We went with that one primarily because it allowed an option to have it on the phone and where it wasn't permanently logged in-store he cannot view the records. This was his idea because he was afraid that he would try to "troubleshoot" and test to see if something wasn't monitored. This way he can't exploit it because he assumes everything is monitored. Which in theory it should be. I'd also make one more recommendation if you are interested in this but I'd rather not post it publicly.
     
  19. CrimsnBlade

    CrimsnBlade Fapstronaut

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    I agree with this and what @escalator said, but at the same time, cutting off access is really helpful, especially at the beginning. At the very least it could force him to start thinking of other things he could do with his time. Combine restricting access to P with finding a new hobby or interest (a healthy one) and you have the beginning of a recovery.

    But it's true that he needs to realize the addiction, and want to stop.
     
    Castielle likes this.
  20. Castielle

    Castielle Fapstronaut

    Honestly, I'd probably make him get a slip phone just for that. But maybe that's just me.
     

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