Friendship feels like its dying

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by goingForIt123, Aug 31, 2021.

  1. goingForIt123

    goingForIt123 Fapstronaut

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    I need to get something off my chest,

    I met this friend freshman year in college and we became best friends by the end—enough that we decided to room the next semester. However, we as a friend group decided to move dorms and became separated as a result. Of course, we weren't going to see each other as much, and in combination with an incredibly difficult course load that lead to depression, I felt we drifted apart a lot. Not long after the move, whenever I tried to talk to him, he seemed disinterested in what I had to say and would often avoid eye contact with me. He thought I ditched him, which I later found out after having lunch and him saying he "forgave me for last semester" (some part in me could tell him why I wasn't around). Those who had depression can testify that it can seem almost impossible to stay in touch with friends. However, my depression seemed to go away. This year, he, two other friends, and I decided to get a quad together so I had hope things would go back to normal. He and I came early to campus for various reasons and for a second I felt like that spark was back and I got a taste of what our friendship used to be like. At one point he said, "I'm glad ur back," and hugged me. I felt so happy. However, when the other two guys showed up at the quad, my friend changed so quickly. He now rarely initiates conversations, and when I do, he seems disinterested and sighs a lot. However, when my other friend comes, he perks right up and seems to completely ignore me. Also, whenever we are in a group, he always seems to disagree with what I'm saying, which happened a lot in the semester that I was depressed. Now, I find myself walking on eggshells every time I want to speak in the group and when I do I just expect to hear a "Nah," come from him. It's so exhausting and distracting to the point where it's always on my mind. Hell, I wrote this post in hopes of finding peace to do my homework, and I admit it's helping. I consider him and my two other suitemates my best friends and I honestly don't know what to do, I feel like my sadness is coming back. Any comments, questions, or concerns are appreciated.
     
    MellotronScratch and minitasks like this.
  2. Billybrasco

    Billybrasco Fapstronaut

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    Well my friend it sounds like you are suffering from some bad self esteem because you should not be treated this way. (Edit: you shouldn't LET yourself be treated this way.)

    I know how it is, I've been there before in my life.

    There's a ton of people out there and you don't need to be wasting your time with those who treat you poorly or disrespectfully. Life is too short for that.
     
    Buddhism Is True likes this.
  3. You might be his friend, but he isn’t yours. I wish I knew how to help. I know how painful this is. Social rejection is an extremely painful aspect of human life. Don’t mistreat other people, don’t tolerate people that mistreat you, and don’t mistreat yourself. If you’re anything like me you’ll spend the rest of your life trying to figure out how to do just that.
     
  4. JoeinMD

    JoeinMD Fapstronaut

    Aside from personal anecdotes of a particular friendship (with its ups and downs), I'm not so sure that "friendship" is dying but that the "20s" are an age of many transitions. One has already been displaced from high-school friends, and soon (if not already and ongoing), one will be displaced from college friends. And, all this is true even without a pandemic. Plus, there's all the social media which replaces real friendships for virtual fake friends, which are nothing of the sort. Then, as soon as one engages a one-on-one relationship, time for friends becomes even less frequent - even for the single person whose friends are partnered now or married. That kind of thing. I think it is very indicative of the age and stage of life here.

    .
     
    curling_cobra likes this.
  5. Trust me buddy, I echo what the others are saying. That friendship is feeble, a true friendship is built and maintained by somewhat frequent but always meaningful contact, and it's a damn skill. I suggest you share what's on your mind. If he gaslights you, ditch and/or correct him. If you live with him, you might want to consider when to ditch him.
     

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