From 0 to 10 Days! A Beginner's Definitive System to NoFap!

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by YiboW, May 12, 2015.

  1. YiboW

    YiboW Fapstronaut

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    Hey everybody!!!

    I'm Yibo. I'm a perverted 17 year-old teenager and before I signed up for NoFap about 10 days ago, I was PMO'ing about every 1-2 days. I couldn't even imagine going more than 3 days without fapping or watching porn.

    My porn addiction was like a prison and I didn't even know there was a key that unlocked my cell room.

    I kept reading over and over about the benefits of NoFap - "more confidence, discipline, energy, ability to talk to girls... but those benefits never seemed achievable to me since I would relapse over and over.

    When I read advice about how to overcome NoFap, it was extremely vague.
    One person said "meditate". Another person said "cold showers". Another person said to "Never give up! Just try harder and listen to an inspiring song!"

    My reaction was "LIKE WHAT THE HECK?! JUST TELL ME WHAT I NEED TO DO TO STOP THIS PORN ADDICTION!"

    What I needed wasn't some untested piece of advice, it was a SYSTEM - a series of PROVEN automatic habits - I could count on to help me when fighting a sexual urge.

    Today thanks to the NoFap community and the system I found - four essential habits - I'm going to share with you today, I am on day 10 of the challenge.

    So here are the 4 ESSENTIAL HABITS that helped me go from fapping daily to 10 days today without PMO.
    1. Always be aware of your thoughts and whenever you get a arousing thought stop it IMMEDIATELY.
    2. Get an accountability partner through the NoFap forums.
    3. Meditate for five breaths every morning after breakfast or at night before you get in bed.
    4. Take a 50 second cold shower after you brushed your teeth at night.
    Okay, now on the first point. Stopping triggering thoughts.
    This advice comes from this great blog post I read about a guy who went 70 days NoFap.

    His advice was that he was constantly aware of his thoughts. Whenever he had thoughts to watch porn, he would stop the arousing thoughts immediately instead of allowing his brain to start rationalizing and cause him to relapse.

    Your brain is basically telling you whenever you want to watch porn and masturbate:
    "Just this once. Just do it. Just do it. It feels so good."

    As it is rationalizing to you, your brain is releasing brain chemicals which is why you start feeling aroused. The more you start thinking about masturbating and visualizing porn, the more dopamine your brain releases. And the more you start getting more aroused. It's a positive feedback loop. And the more likely you are to relapse.

    Here is the most important quote from the 70 days NoFap post:

    "It’s important to know that these sexual ‘cues’ - thoughts of watching porn - result in the release of endorphins into your system, which makes you feel aroused but also shuts down your prefrontal cortex (the rational part of your brain) which is telling you that you shouldn’t fap.
    You need to block out the sexual thought or mental image immediately.

    Don’t entertain the thought or flirt with it just a little because you enjoy the warm feeling it brings. That warm feeling is hormones putting your body into sex mode and shutting down that part of your brain that reminds you why you don’t want to fap. That feeling is warm, creeping death. The instant you feel even a tiny bit aroused or curious, you need to shut out that thought. No arguments."

    Okay, on the second habit. Accountability.
    When I was first here, I was really embarrassed to get an accountability partner because I was afraid people would judge me. Now, that I have two accountability partners, I realize that those fears were just holding me back from succeeding in the NoFap challenge. This is probably the most important and easiest step to achieving success in the NoFap challenge.

    Just go on the NoFap forums and offer to be someone's accountability partner. But you need to have EMPATHY. See from the other person's point of view, not just from your own perspective.

    A lot of people just write: "Hey man, I need your help. I would like get motivated and would really appreciate u helping me out... Im almost 18 years old and I think we would be good partners."

    OKAY DUDE GET OVER YOURSELF!!!

    After you post under someone's forum request for accountability ask yourself:

    "Why would he care to respond back to my request for an accountability partner? What can I give him? What similarities do we have?"


    For example, here is the post that got me my two current accountability partners:

    http://NoFap.com/forum/index.php?threads/16-christian-male-needs-ap.36207/#post-236129

    Notice that I talked about how Dan and I were both Christians, we both struggled when a woman in our lives - his girlfriend and my mom - caught us with porn. Then I gave him the option of contacting me through emails, skype, google hangouts, whatever he preferred.

    I know you right now have a lot of fears about getting one. I heard this advice about accountability over and over and over, but I was too afraid to admit over the NoFap forums or to anyone that I needed one.

    I was afraid my accountability partner would judge me. I was afraid to admitting how shamed I was about my porn addiction and the nasty porn I watched - double penetration, anal, pov, etc.

    Porn addiction is probably the most intimate addiction a guy can share so it's okay to feel afraid about getting a accountability partner. But my accountability partner understood and in the end I actually felt relieved to admit my problems to him and have him relate to me.

    But I honestly don't know how else I could have gotten this far - to 10 days - had my mind not been telling me:

    "Yibo, you are going to have to admit that you watched porn today.. don't do it."

    It sounds horrible but, porn addiction is something that you can't fight alone - you can't trust that your mind is going to be able to resist porn in the heat of the moment. It won't. It's addicted to dopamine. IT CRAVES IT LIKE A KID BEGGING FOR CANDY.

    I've relapsed over and over the past 3-4 years since I got addicted. For the first time in my life, today is day 10 of my reboot. The only reason I have made it this far was because I got an accountability partner from the NoFap forums 10 days ago.

    Okay, now on to the third habit. Meditating five breaths every single day.
    I try every morning to meditate after breakfast. Sometimes I forget to do this when the morning gets so busy. However, I found forming the tiny habit of taking five deep breaths and becoming aware of my thoughts and feelings absolutely critical in getting me through these past 10 days.

    Remember on this third habit of meditating to start with a tiny habit - a habit so easy that you will actually do it every day. Just start with breathing five breaths. This advice comes from a TED talk from a Stanford psychology professor named BJ Fogg (link below).

    Humans are fundamentally lazy and lack willpower. Don't say that you will meditate 30 mins a day... You'll give up after a few days and end up going back to surfing Facebook/YouTube.

    Start with a tiny habit - breathe 5 breaths.

    If you feel that you can't meditate in the morning, try at night before you fall asleep. But remember consistency is key. It's all about doing this tiny habit each day and making it a daily routine.

    -

    "But, Yibo, I don't know how to meditate! What should I do?"

    That's okay. I didn't know how either when I first started.

    But I learned from a great free meditation app called Stop Breathe and Think.

    https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/stop-breathe-think/id778848692?mt=8

    The app basically teaches you to become aware of your thoughts, feelings, and breathe.
    Definitely listen to 3 min Mindful Breathing meditation every morning for the next week if you're new to meditation.
    Plus, meditation will also help you relax whenever you get stressed and help you find inner peace.

    On to the fourth habit - taking a cold shower.

    When I first heard this advice, I was like "What the heck?! No way! It's too cold!"

    But I just kept hearing it over and over from people on reddit who succeeded in the 90 Day NoFap challenge.

    The moment a drop of cold water hit me in the shower, I turned the faucet back to hot water. I just couldn't stand the pain. So what worked for me was just telling myself that I would just do it for 50 seconds and doing this every night.

    At night, after I brushed my teeth, I would start counting to fifty. I stood away from the shower and slowly got my feet wet first, then my arms, then my legs, then my hair. And finally my back - which has the most nerve endings. But remember it's about slowly immersing yourself in the cold shower.

    As you do this, keep repeating to yourself: "I accept this pain. It's only going to be 50 seconds. I accept that I am becoming like this cold water."

    This positive affirmation really helped me withstand the cold shower for those 50 seconds. Remember that the first minute of the cold shower is the worst. The more you resist, the more your body temperature will adopt to the cold water. And after 1-3 mins, the water no longer felt cold. Plus, after you take the 50 second cold shower, you will feel amazing.

    The moment the cold water hits your feet, you will feel your whole body tense up, including your stomach. This is a "fight or flight" response and will happen every time you get stressed, such as the panicking feeling you get when you start running out of time on an exam.

    When this happens remember to inhale and take deep breaths. And keep repeating that affirmation: "I accept this pain. It’s only going to be 50 seconds."

    This feeling which comes from the emotional part of your brain. When you take deep breaths, you gain control over your body again and allow the thinking part of your brain to work.

    Remember as humans, we are both logical and emotional creatures. But sometimes we allow our emotions/feelings to take control of our logical side - like when we get angry or when we give in to sexual urges/feelings.

    I don't know why the heck a cold shower helps other than it does. Like ever since I started doing it consistently every night, this is the first time in my life I've been able to go 10 days without PMO. I think it's because a cold shower teaches you to get used to discomfort. You have to win the mental battle in order to withstand the 50 seconds of cold water... which is the same for porn addiction.

    You'll get two conflicting thoughts in your mind as you take the cold shower. This is called cognitive dissonance.

    One side of your brain is literally screaming at you to stop the cold water and turn it back to hot water.
    The other side will be saying: "I accept this pain. It's only going to be 50 seconds. I accept that I am becoming like this cold water." You KEEP ON REPEATING THAT AFFIRMATION OVER AND OVER and slowly that other side of your mind will win the battle.

    In the same way, a PMO addiction is when you have two sides of your brain arguing.
    "Watch porn!" vs. "Don't fap!"

    But the first time, I remember I got to the feet and arms and then gave up and turned back to hot water. It’s okay if you give up before the 50 seconds. All that matters is that you gave it everything you got.

    Yup, that's about it. Remember that these four habits will take a while to implement into your life. It's not easy and will take discipline - getting used to discomfort and boredom.

    Let me know if you need me to clarify on anything about this advice. We're both in this challenge together. Also feel free to share this advice to anyone else you see who is struggling with NoFap.

    I know all this advice is a lot to take in. Don't get stressed. Take deep breaths. Remember that it's all about implementing this advice one small tiny habit at a time. Maybe start these next 2-3 weeks with just taking a cold shower after you brush your teeth, then add on meditation after breakfast or at night.

    It about winning the mental battle slowly. Don't worry if that first time you take a cold shower you give up within 5 seconds. Tell yourself it's a victory. Celebrate and go at it again the next day. It's all about creating that tiny habit of immersing yourself in cold water and celebrating that tiny success.

    Tiny success leads to big success. So never beat yourself up but keep on focusing on celebrating that tiny habit - which leads to a positive feedback loop and makes you want to do the tiny habit of getting in the cold water and meditating again. And again. And the next day.

    Talk is cheap. Take action. Implement this advice and I'm sure one day I'll be coming to get NoFap advice from you!

    Yours,
    Yibo
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 30, 2016
  2. yoyo1

    yoyo1 Guest

    Bookmarked!
     
    YiboW likes this.
  3. YiboW

    YiboW Fapstronaut

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    Thanks yoyo1!
    I am seriously honored that this post was so helpful to you that you bookmarked it. *bows down*

    Best of luck on your NoFap journey and feel free to share this with anyone who is struggling.
     
  4. So only 50 seconds? How long can you stay in and how cold should I put?
     
  5. YiboW

    YiboW Fapstronaut

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    @Jakev Hey buddy, first thanks for reading! I hope the system is helping you with this addiction!

    "So only 50 seconds? How long can you stay in and how cold should I put?" -

    I hate to say it, but that attitude of "being perfect on the first cold shower" is the biggest beginner's mistake.

    I know, because that's what I used to do. I would tell myself something like - "Yibo, just go in there. Be a man! Turn the water to the coldest setting and take this entire shower with cold water. YOU CAN DO IT!" ... and guess what happened? ... Did I suddenly grow the balls to resist cold shower?... Nope, I just ended up chickening out on the unbearable high expectations I had put on myself, gave up, and took a hot shower. LOL :D

    So to answer your question about only 50 seconds or how cold... IT ACTUALLY DOESN'T MATTER!!! It can be only slightly cold.

    All you got to do is focus on that tiny habit of just getting into the cold shower - maybe just 10 seconds of cold water - BUT YOU HAVE TO DO THIS EVERYDAY. The hardest part is focusing on CONSISTENCY and within a few days/weeks you will be taking a full cold shower .

    As they say, the tortoise not the hare is the one who runs the race.

    Now when my attitude about cold shower is: "Yibo, just do 50 seconds... and you'll free to turn it back to hot water after that.".. But I've been able to take cold showers consistently for the past 13 days now. The first week was hard and I constantly had thoughts of going back to hot water. But now taking a full cold shower is no problem. But again, it all starts with a tiny habit.

    Tiny success leads to big success, not vice versa.

    Hope this helps!
     
  6. YiboW

    YiboW Fapstronaut

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    Dude, you're good! In fact, that shows how well you managed the sexual urge.
     
  7. battleready

    battleready Fapstronaut

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    Good job @YiboW congrats!

    I tottally agree when you say " Just go on the NoFap forums and offer to be someone's accountability partner. But you need to have EMPATHY." It is really important get someone with kind of same background and addiction with you because you can trust more to the person!
     
    YiboW likes this.
  8. YiboW

    YiboW Fapstronaut

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    @battleready

    EXACTLY! I've had over 5+ people on the NoFap ask me to keep them accountable with something along the lines of: "Hi Yibo! Be my accountability partner, okay?

    ... Seriously, that's all they say and they expect me to be their AP. What they need is EMPATHY. EMPATHY. EMPATHY.

    If I messaged you out of nowhere with: "Let's be partners!" You would be thinking:

    1) Okay, who are you Yibo?
    2) I'm suppose to motivate you? But what can you offer me?
    3) I don't even know you. What do we have in common?

    The worst thing is that even though I do deeply want to help these people, I basically have to tell them:

    "Sorry, it is already hard enough for me to keep in contact with both my other accountability partners.

    Being accountability partners is a huge commitment and we are going to have to keep in touch almost daily for the next months for this to work. If we do become accountability partners, I do not know if I will be able to contact you as frequently to make this work. Nor do I want to waste your time and energy in this accountability relationship when you could be helping someone who actually needs it.

    I'm sure you realize by now how hard it is to find time in our busy lives to keep people accountable over the NoFap website, so I would highly recommend that you get another accountability partner over the NoFap forums."
     
  9. clarknielsen

    clarknielsen Fapstronaut

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  10. FM180

    FM180 New Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the help, man! I appreciate it.
     

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