Gay OCD

Hey everyone i have gay ocd and its fueled by a porn addiction also which sucks

Here is how i have been doing my own erp and stopping from porn also

Recently i had just discovered of this ocd i have had it since a young young age id say its pretty severe. I had done a couple things in the shower at around 14 and thats when it started remember it clear as day and at the time i was a heavy porn addict aswell

Through the years of porn i stumbled onto transwoman stuff and that had fueled it more aswell cut it short all the porn i had watched over the years put my levels of arousal to women lower and all that sort of stuff i made the ocd even worse.

I have recently just started looking up the ocd "gay ocd" on google and found erp techniques exposure response and prevention

Ive started to just accept the thoughts and reply with yeah im gay who cares your gay were gay etc and i have been exposing myself to gay documentaries etc and i have stopped my compulsions and rituals such as the constant checking my reactions between same sex and opposite sex people wanking to striaght porn just to check if i was still straight etc

After watching some gay documentaries i realised when i was watching that i didn't want to live with another man i didn't want to sleep with one either i wanted to sleep and be with a women and wake up to one, i wanted to smell one i wanted to just be with a women whatever my mind was thinking is history thoughts are thoughts i wasnt envious of these gay couples wishing it was me or anything it was interesting tho how they were living and choose to live but it wasent for me. I did have serious anxiety while watching them tho pulling my hair and twisting knots into my hair just was a big anxiety attack but i kept watching and the anxiety slowly left me.

I kept watching videos and subjects on homosexuality and i didnt have any urges to be with a man or have sex with one either, it didnt change me in anyway i was still the same nick attracted to women and women only although my ocd tells me lies thats okay i accepted them and just let the ocd know im gay and there not lies therefore im attacking fear head on and all thats left is fear itself. Even after accepting these thoughts i still didnt change and become gay it was the same as fighting with the thoughts i still didnt become gay it was easier to accept the thoughts then get stuck in a worry cycle with the ocd

As for porn i had my girlfriend set up k9 secuirty on my computer and block everysingle thing on the web except computer game related things i even blocked youtube.

I need the arousal back i crave to be super aroused when i see a women its what i want its a craving ! And its a good feeling when some days i see a women thats so sexy i cant stop looking ! When attraction feels good ! When attraction dosent feel good its probably anxiety and your ocd ! Attraction and anxiety are different

Anyway let me know when you all think take it easy !