given up looking for a relationship but lonely

I am not saying nofap will change all things for you . but if you start it I can guarantee you ,it will be a very big boost for your confidence and self esteem ,not just to get girls (I am a muslim so that was not my target anyways) but in life in general I mean . and your post has made me sad . it truely has . and I pray that things do change for you . But if you start nofap you can have one good thing in life as your achievement and fuck the people if they dont notice you . be your own friend . and sorry that you were bullied . But to enjoy your life find your passion like travelling or reading and stuff like that . and there must be a woman out there for you . there must be .

 

I know how it is. I grew up with strict parents and I was an academic child. My parents only wanted me to focus on my homework and grades and nothing else. I never socialized growing up, which stunted my emotional intelligence. Public school bullying made things much worse. Now I’m an adult with a lot of missed social experiences. I have no stories to tell and I’m completely socially awkward. No girl is going to want that.

One of the best things I have done is traveling and getting involved in my hobbies. I work during the week (9-5 Mon-Fri job), then the weekends come around and I travel to a new place and explore my hobbies. It helps the mental health/state. Staying inside all day makes you more susceptible to depression/anxiety. I’m more focused on my solitude and enjoying it.

You have the advantage of being in your thirties as some women may see young guys in their teens/twenties as desperate.

Hopefully, with due time, you can get away from loneliness and get a female.

 

I don't know how to help you change, but the tidbit I've quoted is the root of your problem. If you did have a purpose, if you could chose one, what would it be? What hope do any of us have?

 

@onix: What was your highest streak? What effects did you see at 90 days?

 

I get man, I've been there. It's a blackhole. A bucket of crabs pulling one another down as they try to climb out. Without a purpose outside of porn what hope do you have?

 

Two thoughts come to mind: Authenticity and social network. I'm watching the Wisdom of Trauma documentary, which is also about addiction and how it's related to trauma, and it's interesting he relates depression and anger to suppressing authenticity. It doesn't matter how many people believe in a standard, even if it's standards good looking women want, if it's dysfunctional it's dysfunctional - especially when it's dishonest - and suppressing our authenticity is a deadly form of dishonesty that hurts ourselves, and it causes inner conflict because on some level it doesn't agree with us.

The second thought is related to the first because fortunately, though it's a little harder to come by there are still addiction recovery groups that value authenticity. Instead of looking for "the one" relationship with a romantic partner, you might try a general social group for relationships and recovery groups happen to be a place where people value authenticity and being real. Just keep in mind people are at different levels of sensitivity, they may be dealing with their own stuff, or they have a certain attachment to how they look at life (maybe a religious view of recovery) but there are many who get it, because ultimately you can't just impose some artificial template over your mental health while ignoring authenticity. So I think the two together can really help.

 

This right here, this is the way.

 

There are small and medium groups, and it's good that you recognize it's your problem because you're probably not going to be able to always connect with people one-on-one or one on two.

The thing with Rat Park study is there is no body to put together the park other than ourselves, and I'm afraid people who don't understand or know about the grassroots kind of effort of traditional addiction recovery is going to rely on posting on the forum. Having experienced the covid shutdown this past year and a half I realize I've been throwing this incredible resource away, and I'm afraid a ton of people won't really be trying anymore either.

Basically it's like if you think it's bad now, it can get worse - as far as how little social connection is available. It's sort of the beggars can be choosers principal, but it's also not a matter of just taking what's there but playing an active role in it.

 

Yaaaay, parenting which teaches the child nothhing but "do what you are told/follow they system cause you have to and that's how it should be" Fuck this bullshit. noone give you the tools to succeed and then they are "wtf why no woman,good career,health" the fucking irony in this society.