Guilt

Not sure if this is the right forum for this post but if a mod wants to move it then please do.

How do you guys deal with guilt when memories from the past hit you. I have had several girlfriends and with most of them (last 10 years or so) PIED issues have destroyed the relationship. I can understand it from their eyes, I know that I was the addict.

But every so often I get feelings of guilt, like I owed it to my past partners to not go down the road I went down, they deserved better. And looking at some of the really messed up things I did (fapping in GF's toilet) I feel guilty and revolted with myself.

It just hits me so hard every so often. It makes me feel sub-human and the feelings are that random. I might be just sat there doing whatever Im doing or even talking to a friend or I see an attractive woman, and BOOM the feeling of guilt and disgust just hit me. Also when I see happy couples (this hurts the most), I see the guy and realise that he probably did not go down this road, and then I feel even more shitty with myself.

This only happens when Im on a streak as well. I will not give in though. I made choices in the past and I have to live with the consequences. But I wish I could just mentally decide that what happened in the past is in the past. But I cant.

The meditation is helping, but this still happens.

 

Thanks for your helpful words.

I feel totally different today. Just gotta get used to these emotions surfacing as they are part of the process.