So I’ve recently just come out of a relationship, and the time away from ex and the retrospection time I’ve had lead me to think about particular scenarios leading up to the break up, one of the issues she raised was she felt like we weren’t having enough sex or that I wasn’t sexually interested In her which wasn’t true, but also had an element of truth to it, if I hadn’t seen her for a while I’d course we’d be all over eachother but if we spent more than a few days together, the thought of sex seemed like effort and I wasn’t that interested in the idea of sex (not her). Anyways, since then I’ve watched a fair few videos on the effects of porn on the brain, so I’ve been watching porn since around 11 or 12, it quickly became a heavy habit in my life with my curiosity driving me to watch more and more extreme porn over the years, I’m 28 now and I’ve realised and have accepted the destruction I’ve done to my brain. The older I got the more extreme porn I chose to watch and also found myself partaking in many risky sexual behaviours to try and fulfil my desires. Ultimately I’ve come to realise I have a very unnatural expectation of what sex is supposed to be like with a partner and have realised a lot of my ‘kinks’ / ‘desires’ are routed in the things I’ve chosen to heavily watch over the years. And so I want to make a change to be a better person, and not be addicted to the dopamine highs of porn anymore and become a more sensitive and loving human. My personal goal is to cut porn out of my life completely, I also believe I’m at the beginning stages of PIED, finding in the past year I’ve struggled with getting and maintaining erections in certain situations which has lead me to start using medication to help at times. I think the hardest part for me was to accept I have a problem, I’ve always just considered myself a very horny person who enjoys the act of porn watching and masturbating not realising my brain has been addicted to the dopamine. so this is the start of my journey, I have gone through phases where I haven’t watched porn before, a week here and there even two at times, but when I’m idle and don’t have much to do I notice I get drawn back to that particular habit. I’ve no doubt this will be hard but I’m glad to have finally accepted this side of me and I’m now in a position to be able to better myself and move forward! also grateful to be part of this awesome community, thanks for reading guys!
