UPDATE DAY 80 in the Books! I made it to day 80! Just 10 till 90 and 20 till I make my goal to be with my wife! Still thinking I may have to go longer with out PMO so as to not want to look at women and objectify them. Some things that have changed: 1. I have so much more self confidence. I can talk to about anyone. This has allowed me great success at work. 2. No feelings of shame or guilt. I can't tell you how freeing it is to talk to your significant other and have no reason to lie. Or you don't have that creepy feeling or thought in your mind of what you just did. So freeing and amazing. 3. My attitude is better. I am more positive and am funnier. I used to be this way long ago, but it had left, now it is returning. 4. I do have to shave more often. I used to be able to go 3-4 days, now I have to shave every other day. 5. I don't feel the draw to the computer as much. I read more, and am watching less TV. 6. I have more energy do things around the house and don't wear out as quickly. 7. I seam to need less sleep. I have always gone on little sleep, but not because I would wake up early on my own. It was because I would stay up in the wee of the night surfing, only to sleep for 4-6 hours and feel like hell. Now I naturally wake up and feel better. 8. I still have to be careful as I still have the urge to M at odd times. It takes self-control. Those are the changes I have noticed. oh and also, some say they have had skin issues clear up, but I did have the opposite, I had a new skin issue appear on my back. I am hoping once I get passed 90 days this will clear up. Below is from day 45.... The day is almost over, but the struggle is not! Even as I lie here typing my success story, the thought of wanting to M or O or have sex with my sleeping wife is prevalent. This demon forever wants to let its head rise, and will not be satisfied ever. I hope to continue staying P and M free even after the 90 days, so as to see if my mind will one day see women as the true beautiful people they are and not the objects of self gratification. My eyes I know now I must try to control as I go for the next 45 days. I have not been successful most times, especially when it comes to my wife, though I don't feel too bad there. I just wish I wouldn't have the thoughts that continue to flood my mind. The last 15 days have been easier, and the draw for P has not been overwhelming. My main issue is with the real live women walking around day to day. And I kind of been a prick lately, to my wife, which I hate. I just haven't felt good, and have to put on a happy face at work with clients, and let it out without even realizing it at home. This must stop, and she made me aware of this yesterday, a new goal to achieve. The depression/empty/negative feelings that some have said happens is here. I was hoping not to have an issue, but with what my wife told me, I obviously have this symptom. The good news is my self control is becoming better, and so is my self confidence and my ability to interact with people. I also love not having the guilt or shame!!! So freeing! I hope to be back here in 15 days at day 60 with another positive update!
Stay strong, @namtoober , I struggle with exactly the same issue as yours: real life women and fantasies in my head. I am finding that it does loosen its hold over time (I'm around 20 days of no P and M, for the first time in 20 years!), but I have to be ever careful to not 'let the demon let its head rise.' I am confident, that by constantly supplanting stimulating thoughts with better ones, we will be eventually able to naturally see women as women, and not objectify (and / or degrade) them . My best wishes on your journey.
I agree! It is a difficult road to travel, but once our thoughts are uncluttered by the dehumanizing thoughts on women, we can see them with their true beauty! We don't have to let ourselves be duped into the cultures view of men as uncontrollable porn addicts!!
Sometimes you just have an overwhelming desire to c#m, I have been able to resist so far, but it is still so prevalent at times. I have had to learn how to change my thought patterns, or make sure I get busy doing something!! This past weekend has filled my mind with unexpected memories, as we went down to my Dad's lake house and his neighbor, who is at the same dock had his college age sons friend their. I was bombarded with college girls on the dock 6-8. As this was my first experience in almost 60 days with anything this provocative, my mind is doing its darndest to get me to fail.... These next few days will be paramount to my success. And I know that getting close to another 30 days, I might expect another wet dream, chichi could or could not be good....
Congratulations @namtoober for making it through Day 45. I see a lot of "hope", "try" and "wishes" in your post, aren't you sure that you will win ? If you really want to get rid of this addiction you have to see your goals as a absolutely sure future.
Thank You Yugae. There may be some hope, try and wishes, but coming from someone that had no hope (that I could do without M), didn't want to try(because I felt entitled to what my wife wasn't able to give me) and just wished to do anything he pleased(again because of my pity party mentality) The development of my mind to even think it possible, that I would want to go down this path has ben incredible and unbelievable. You have to understand that until the day I started this journey back on April 2nd, two days before, I did not have the desire or mentality to think this possible. Nor was I even sure I cared to. It took getting to my lowest point on the 1st, to attempt this. And it has not been of my own accord. I have only been this successful on my first attempt because of great honesty with several men, with my wife and because of faith. I do not believe my goals as absolutely sure, because in my experience this life has very little absolute sure future in it. I am not even guaranteed to wake up tomorrow morning. But this does not define me or derail me. I press on because of my desires, my beliefs and my family.
Are you having regular sex with your wife? I heard one woman say, "My mother taught me to never let your husband leave the house hungry for food or for sex." Maybe you and your wife can make DAILY APPOINTMENTS (sex for you; affection for her)? One guy at church seemed to have a successful [fulfilling] marriage. He said, "One day its' my gig.... the next day its' her gig." (One day its' about his needs; the next day its' about her needs.)
I am not having sex with my wife, for two reason, one I am doing Hard Mode, and two it is painful for her. I am doing Hard Mode, so as to have the best opportunity to reboot my mind when thinking about women and to get this P thing gone from my life. Yes I know I am addicted and will always be addicted, and if I ever let myself go back to P, I will be back under it's control. But first I must not be its slave. Second, to go further into my journey, I must tell you that my wife has been battling cancer since 2008. And because of this, she has had surgery to have a cyst removed, once of her ovaries removed, and then she had radiation to her pelvis. And because of this sex has become painful. We last had sex in November 2015 and attempted in December 2015. And yes there are other things to do, but she has never been in to those other things and I was too selfish to let her M me because well in my thinking I could do it faster, quicker and better. All the while knowing I just wanted to do it to P. And so I gave myself completely over to PMO and even to sexchats. That is when I hit bottom and knew I had to quit once I had someone else controlling my MO. I now can't wait to do whatever we can once we come back together. I am willing to focus on anything she needs and the thought of her M'ing me is well so exciting. It is amazing the difference in just 2 months without PMO. I can't wait till it is over so I can be with her again. But there is hope to on the sex front. since I have been so open and honest with her she even talked to her GYN about her pain issue. And he has given her something that might help. For her to take this step makes me believe that there will be healing on her part as well. And that maybe really the PMO and my lack of self control and focus on her is what was a bigger issue. So I am like a kid wondering what will happen the first time he has sex. Yes I am nervous, will I be able to get it up (I have never had this problem) Scared I will O to quickly (again always been able to go long time) Will I hurt her and will I satisfy her. It is a good nervous and scared. I am happy to wait and find out. I do like your idea of Her needs My needs. But really, I want to focus on her needs right away. And then maybe we can worry about mine. Mine have always come first. But now I want to change that
Sooooo today is day 70..... definitely not as hard as day 7..... For those of you still early, get past day 7-10 any way. I mean ANYWAY you can! Then the days start piling up
I expect you to hit that 90. Don't let me down man. You are already half way there. By next Saturday I will hit my 90. Don't you dare give up on me!
@namtoober Congratulations! I hope you are still going strong and that you have improved your relationship with your wife. If it wasn't for reading so many success story's I would never know the damage that porn can do to your relationships with people, especially wife. But it makes sense, porn separates us from the rest of the society and makes us selfish.We have our "needs" meet so there is no need for anyone.
IMO P is a selfish thing to do, and focuses totally on me, and as I would give in to my selfishness more and more, and as my desire for me increased, my desire to be selfless with my wife decreased, and my desire for her decreased. It just had to, there was not in between. These things are devastating to any relationship. And P just took over, my thoughts, my actions and my life. Now Porn is not in control. My wife is. I have given her the control of my M and my O. And we are together making the decision and her needs are being met and my needs are being met. And P is 143 days out of my life. Hard to even fathom I am almost at day 150
