Hello, I just joined NoFap, I'm 17, and I'm addicted to so many things

I don't know how this even started. I remember in elementary school I would touch my penis and jerk off for no reason, and I didn't even know it at the time (like in grade 1 and 2). Gradually, I started pretending I was a peak apex bird (penguins, falcons) and dominating lesser animals (this slowly died with time). I barely even remember this.

Later, I fantasized about being a princess (I'm male) and dominating men during my sleep (I would sometimes jerk off during sleep or just waking up, this habit is finally gone now for more than a year I think), and all types of domination, not just feet, some really really really messed up shit.

Then I 180 degreed, and I fantasized about foot fetishes when I was 13 or something. I didn't know it was a foot fetish at the time, heck I didn't know about femdom at the time either. I was just addicted to those feet caption things with cute celebrities on them.

Then I got into darker foot fetish stuff with feet stories (literotica), joi, some porn (but barely any), hentai, dumb stuff.

I'm actually a really good person, and smart student outside of all of these shitty things, but I can't pull myself together.

I'm 17 now and my streaks haven't been going that long recently (it's extremely hard even not to do it for 3 days).

It's been around 6 years with this addiction, the first 5 years I actually didn't even recognize it to be that big of a problem, nor really knew what it was.

I haven't really told anyone this deeply about my problems. I've told two really close friends about the foot fetish, but not about all of the darker stuff explained previously.

I just want to know if there was anyone out there who was a young teenage boy and had similar shit cemented in them, and found a way out of this dark spiral. I need some hope.


Other things I wanted to note:

- been keeping a diary for multiple months now: hasn't really helped

- I noticed that I am really sensitive to touch, if someone jabs me lightly near my abdomen, it'll deeply irritate me. I researched some stuff about foot fetishes before and found out that sensitivity of nerves in the foot may be a reason for it

- tried holding my grip strength toy with my left hand a lot (the hand that does it, switched from right to left for some reason): also doesn't help

- I used to jerk off when I was panicked and stressed (like homework due really soon)

- I can never ever sit still, always fidgeting, maybe I have ADHD idk

- I deleted incognito window, ability to create a new user profile (cuz this would allow me to create deviantart accounts to read dumb femdom shit), and guest window (as guest window and incognito do not track your history)

- whenever I look at youtube videos, I slowly would lose my conscience, then slip into searching up youtube femdom videos, then sinking deeper and deeper till the point of no return. Once I make the first leap, I end up at the end point.

- tried converting to a religion to stop this shit, also kinda sus, didn't work out

- Honestly, thanks nofap for listening, I've been keeping this secret too long, it feels good to let it all loose


I always imagine that I'm standing on one side of a cliff, and there's this other side, with rainbows and sunshine, and it's so tantalizing, but I never make the leap. It's just so close, but so far away.