Hello I'm an addict.. beginning my nofap journey

Hello all,

My extreme humbleness and kindest thanks for everyone sharing and the fapstronauts helping us new folk out.

I am an addict. Not of porn, but of a very similar ilk. The Dopamine rush I get and it has affected my sexual chemistry and intimacy with my partner. I want to be free of this great purge as I am in my 30's and it is at the inflexion point where if I don't get my act together I could lose it all -

Anyway after the last 12 months of treatment, mindfulness and even installing a firewall to block sites - I have found no long term success. I have had wins - up's and then downs or relapses. My sexual therapist insists that the ciritical point is the 18 month period - she has never mentioned this and I think after a serious conversation with my partner I guess what I/we have realised in this last relapse is that I am not honest enough with myself and my addiction. Thinking I had the will power to do this alone (and I'm sure we all remember our winning stretches) to then find out I've fallen back into the neural traps of old. In short this is stronger than I realised and has been with me since a young age when I was bullied at school - gradually it has morphed and evolved from a simple comfort zone to a warm blanked that I need. Instead of seeking sexual intimacy this behaviour has become secretive and I often prefer solo pleasure instead of partner-secntric activity

I am so impressed with everyone's ability to share here - but I fear of saying too much in that I will be recognisable. Idk. I am sorry I want to share all - In short my fetish is seeing people smoking (seems harmless) but over time and images/videos it has evolved and mutuated...

Just like FoxDie...

I look forward to continuing the journey and gradually spending more time here each day..

FoxFap signing out on Day 1