Hello. The start of my nofap journey.

I'm a 32 year old male, who always saw himself as straight. I've never heard of porn addiction before this week.

So here's a little piece of my sexual and PMO history. From my early teen years i was always into girls, however i always had a bit of a problem with ED which i attributed to performance anxiety, still i was able to have a few long term relationships with several women where we had pretty regular sex.

Throughout those years i always PMO'd probably at least once a day, it got to the point where i started watching some really weird crap like incest, rape, bestiality, etc... I finally got to the point where gay porn and transwoman porn really aroused me which has been leading to big confusion regarding my sexuality.

I started to think if that was the reason for my ED. Have i always been gay or bi and just noticed it because of porn? That doesn't really make sense to me because i never loved a man, i've never been attracted to men, i've seen naked men in locker rooms and never thought i wanted to have sex with them. But then when i started watching gay porn and transwoman porn i started to fantasize about it, i even talked to some men online and checked some transgender escorts too, but when it came time to actually meet them i felt weird and couldn't go through with it. Actually if a guy started talking dirty to me online i would imediately be grossed by it and stop talking to him.

I don't think i would have a problem with being gay or bi so i don't think i'm in denial, but around 2 weeks ago i was with a girl and i couldn't get an erection, the whole time i was worried that i was gay because i couldn't get hard with her, my sex drive since then has been non-existent.

I found this website about a week ago and some stories i read sound really familiar, so i'm doing nofap and trying to quit PMO and probably MO forever. It's been 7 days and it hasn't been hard till now, i'm a pretty driven person so i think i'm gonna be able to do it. Hopefully i'm not jinxing myself ahahah.

I always thought porn was harmless and PMO didn't hurt anybody, turns out i was probably hurting myself along all these years and didn't even know it. It sucks.

Anyway sorry for the long post and i was hoping to see if some people had similar experiences. Thank you and i think this is a great community