Here we go

Ermm Hi,

Feel a bit like a kid standing at the front of the class doing introductions on his first day of school! Ah well here goes, I'm 34yrs old and was single for a good chunk of my adult life. During that time I was a regular porn user until around 6 years ago when I met my now wife. At the time I never considered porn to be a problem but always felt pretty ashamed / low about using it. I would try to quit and go cold turkey but would never manage more than 2 weeks before relapsing.

Since meeting and marrying my now wife I've used a lot less but still would dabble in the background. I would go through periods of trying to give up but would never manage long, the habit was too embeded. This came to a head about a year ago when my wife found out about it. She was devastated.

It's been a bit of a journey since then. Initially it was like a massive weight had been lifted off my shoulders and I went for a long streak without any relapse. Just the knowledge that someone knew blew this wide open but it did nothing to look at root causes or repair the damage to both my relationship and myself (intimacy issues, disconnection from the world etc). To start with I didn't even know these things were linked, I didn't see connections.

My massively supportive wife did. She did the full research mode thing and learnt about things whilst I steadfastly held to a belief that will power alone would beat this addiction and nothing else was wrong with me. Its took time for me to come round and after reading and participating in counselling, online programs and forums I'm finally seeing the bigger picture and recognise I need to be more proactive in my recovery.

So here I am, bring on the challenges!