I want to introduce myself shortly: I‘m 22 and watch porn for 8 – 10 years. I was a very shy boy/young man and so I had not that much contact to woman in my life until now. But i was always really horny and so I used pornography to deal with my desires. I had two short relationships with a girl when I was sixteen, but we had no sex, only some petting. I was a virgin until one week before my 20th birthday, on that day I decided to visit a prostitute to be no virgin anymore. That gets one of my bad habits and I visited around 30 prostitutes until now, because I always thought this is real sex and better then watching pornography. It is, but it is really expensive (in my country it is legal). I felt always full of anxiety, I didn‘t like myself and was not self-confident. I always compared myself with others and only see their good attributes and compared them with my bad. Not sure what I want to do in life and who I want to be. I was depressed often and started abusive use of pornography, alcohol and cannabis to deal with my feelings. Sometime I was also thinking about suicide. Because of all these problems I‘m visiting a psychologist for about one year now and the diagnosis may be bipolar disorder. I‘m not sure if this is true. I tryed out many dating apps to get to know woman because I was to shy to get to know someone from scratch. I had sex with some of the woman, but most of them were really unattractive to me and it was just a „better then nothing“ decision. I know for a long time that my bad habits prevent me from having a good life so I often tryed to stop watching porn and using alcohol and so on, but it never worked and after some days I fall back and thought I will never made it. I don‘t take any drugs for one month now (especially no cigaretts, cannabis and alcohol) and now I want to deal again with my pornography addiction. I usally think I quit masturbating now for ever and after some days I get so horny and depressed thinking about that pornography exist and I get no women to have sex with so I start watching porn for hours with the goal that it is the last time and so I can enjoy it really and need to watch many kinds of categories and actors because its „the last time“. Until now it was never the last time. I always thought it is a sign of weakness if I don‘t deal with it alone, but this is stupid. I want to use this community as a opportuinity to motivate me, share my experiences and problems and also to help others. Have a great day and carry on!