hi everyone(penile injury, unsuccessful streak attempts, lack of belief in myself)

I created this post in wrong section. so I will posting it here.

I have a penile injury. I have finished 12 days of nofap. my goal was 90 or at least 30. I was slowly recovering. then I fapped. then two days later today, I fapped again.

I feel really weak. I can't control myself. I was stronger during 12 days. but my dick started to recover so my libido came back. even though I have partial libido recovered, blood still not going to my penis fully. I have lymphocele. there were weird things in my penis like plaques but I think it is not peyronie and more related with lymphocele. (I have cord like structure and also fluid come and goes to my testicles. sometimes swells and sometimes shrink)



some sensitivity issues at the tip of my penis. it is better than a month ago but still have it. lack of blood in my penis. I can't even shake my penis after urination because it feels too soft and fragile and I think it is blood related issue. and today, during masturbation, I couldn't control that muscle that cause ejaculation. it was spasming without my control. it didn't make me cum but it was getting me to urge of cum without my control. weird feeling. if it gets worse I won't be able to control it anymore. it is not normal. I really want to recover more than ever. but I know I am weak and it is impossible for me. I feel defeated.

I want to do 3 months of nofap. but even 1 week is too hard for me. even 2 days without looking porn is hard. days don't pass. I can't control it. I was much stronger in my past streaks. now I am tired because I am struggling with penile issues for a long time. this is destroying my life.

I also must say that masturbation is not the direct cause of this but masturbating while I have other health issues caused this. not saying masturbation is helpful, but many other things also played a role. (vascular issues, medication issues etc)

worst thing is: I don't believe in myself. I discovered a new fetish and I want to consume those content. I want to discover new accounts on twitter. I always wonder what are those accounts saying or doing. but I know I shouldn't do it. my brain keeps reminding me new fetish ideas to discover. I just want to stop touching myself. I am normally strong mentally when it comes to workout etc... but about this, I feel very weak.