Hi, I'm Onan, and I'm a recovering PMO addict

Apologies if the username seems a bit flippant given the subject matter, but once it had occurred to me, I just couldn't bear to not go with it.

But, despite my choice of alias, I'm here in complete earnestness and for very serious reasons, as I believe you all are as well. I'm a 31-year-old graduate student and I have been addicted to pornography and masturbation for over a decade now. I think I started in late high school and it got worse in college. Addiction to PMO has negatively affected me in several ways. Early on, I would feel guilt because looking at porn contradicted my religious belief system and values. In recent years, I've become more aware of how porn addiction is harmful in more practical, everyday ways as well: confidence, self-esteem, relationships (both romantic and platonic), all of these things in my life were diminished by my PMO habits. I've known about nofap and about the harmfulness of pornography on the brain for two or three years now; I've even tried nofap on my own before (I think my longest streak is just shy of three weeks). But I haven't had the balls to commit and seek external support and accountability until today.

I engaged in PMO yesterday morning. Sapped my energy all day, as it mostly always does. Today, I went to confession (I'm Catholic and it's almost Easter) and then tried to get some work done. I've been to confession for porn and masturbation many times in my adult life, but I had never really followed through before because I had never deleted my pornographic accounts on social media sites. This evening I did just that, and then came straight to nofap and joined. I hope this is the time I've given the habit up for good. PMO has made me disorganized, unfocused, and unable to perform at my peak as a student and instructor. It's contributed to a lack of confidence and energy that I'm only now starting to learn to overcome. It's made me a worse friend, a worse family member, and a worse man than what I know I'm meant to be. Of course, I accept responsibility for the choices I've made, but the addiction seems to take on a life of its own.

Anyway, I'm beginning to ramble. Let me just say how happy I am to be here, how proud I am to have deleted my sources for porn (something it's taken me years to build up the courage to do), and how excited I am to turn to a constructive, positive way of life and to hear from other folks who are taking a similar journey. Thank you for being here, nofap, and thank you all so much for your patience with my rambling and for being the community that you are.

 

Thanks very much.

I'd like to say I have a detailed plan, but I don't. In general, I plan to exercise, take cold showers, pray, try to spend more time with friends and family, and stick to a strict schedule. I'd welcome any other suggestions, though!

 

Runtilmylegsdropoff, thanks for the welcome! DJ, thank you, I'll check that out.

 

Thanks, man.