Hi, she left me while on nofap

Hello all,
I'm bigbeard, 29 years old and from germany.

I think I'm addicted to porn since 2012 but I'm aware of my addiction since September 2017 and I was until today a silent reader of the nofap forums. I've relapsed a lot of times and I'm suffering PIED for a very long time.

In December 2018 I've met a girl, we've dated a lot and we've started a relationship. I told her about my PIED and about nofap. She told me it's okay, because she had friends with addiction in the past. She gave me the time I need and said I shouldn't worry too much about my PIED. Sex didn't worked that well except oral sex and it's most problably because my longest streak when we've started the relationship was two weeks. It depressed me that it didn't work, but she told me I shouldn't worry.

Yesterday she left me.
We've had an argument about a discussion yesterday, because we had two opinions. She said something but didn't meant it that way and I told her that it's not the first time she tried to tell me i'm a fool.
Some hours later we phoned and I told her I misunderstood her and it's problably I've relapsed some days ago. Everytime I relapse I get very easily annoyed or aggressive and that I'm sorry. I told her that she is my anchor, because she motivated me to keep my streak going but she said it's not the right way. I should love myself first before I can love someone other. She doesn't want that I'm depending on her.

I know she is right. On the one hand it's better we've quit the relationship so soon. We didn't fit that good together and sooner or later there were other things that could have *exploded*.
But I miss her. Maybe I miss her because I thought it could be THE girl. I miss the intimacy with her because it felt so good, like a recovery. My last relationship was in 2015.

I'm not suicidal but I don't know what to do. I took a day off from work because I can't focus. I feel like I am motionless, I can't move, I can't think of something other than the good times with her. I couldn't sleep and I haven't eaten since yesterday.

I need your help! Thanks for reading this!

 

Thank you for your nice words, Mindful Through Trauma!
Yeah right, I don't want to get her back, maybe it's "proud". She dumped me, she made her decision, I just thought I've found someone who would accept me as the being I am. Everything we've invested so far was for nothing.

But I can't blame her, who wants to be with a difficult addicted person? :/