Homosexual Fantasies?

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by odangdude, Sep 30, 2018.

  1. odangdude

    odangdude New Fapstronaut

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    So I am straight, I am very attracted to women. I am not attracted to men whatsoever, the thought of intimacy with a man is gross to me. However I think my porn addiction has made me fantasize about sexual acts with men.

    I think this because i know when i was a kid, I would watch porn and wonder why anybody would want to watch the blowjob/cumshot portion of the video. I started watching porn as a kid to see naked chicks. Several years later, I now like watching the blowjob/cumshot part and the normal sex scenes cannot get me off.

    I think my brain has associated blowjobs and cumshots with orgasms so now I very frequently fantasize about giving a blowjob. Also the thought of it arouses me quicker than the thought of having sex with a woman.

    I know I need to stop watching porn. But I was wondering if anybody has had a similar experience and I also want to know, will these fantasies stop? I am worried that I will one day be married and have these urges. How long will it take to reverse this?
     
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  2. Many have reported that as they get more time PMO-free, the desires they acquired from porn fade away. But I don't think anybody can tell you how long it will take.
     
  3. My homosexual fantasies have faded away as I’ve moved away from PMO. I only desire to be with a woman.

    But during my PMO days I had gotten into all sorts of porn including gay porn. I fantasized about gay sex a lot and actually went on a date with a gay guy I met online. He was a huge turn off and I didn’t do anything with him. I never did another date with a guy after that one time.

    I hope to find a good woman someday but I’m still lacking in confidence.
     
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  4. Tannhauser

    Tannhauser Fapstronaut

    Hey man, I can tell you from my personal experience that getting rid of PMO has almost removed similar fantasies and issues I've had in the past. Good luck dude! If you ever need to talk to somebody, you can PM me.
     
  5. Blueredo

    Blueredo New Fapstronaut

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    I have experienced the exact same thing to the point where that's what I would always get off to.
    I actually met up with guys to suck their dicks (I bailed out the first time, the second two he flaked but I absolutely would have done it.) I would consider myself completely straight, but I would find myself on grindr dirty talking with guys who had big dicks to get off and seriously considering blowing a lot of them (right up until I'd cum, and then feel disgusted by the whole thing). I was a member of a forum devoted completely to sucking dicks. When I see a dick in the locker room I sometimes picture myself dropping down to suck it
    . It's been pretty tormenting TBH as I have no attraction (physical or romantic) to men.

    The best I can say for now is that after a month away from porn and rewarding this behavior, it's certainly less compulsive. It does feel like it's fading slowly although it's definitely still there. The best thing I've found when those invasive thoughts come up is to find a way to distract myself and channel that energy into something productive. If you can resist the initial compulsion, it will go away in a matter of minutes.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 28, 2020
  6. Funkypunky

    Funkypunky Fapstronaut

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    This is just one of the things pmo mess up on your brain . As many of you know the longer and the more often you pmo , the more kinky and weird the things you watch and want to do become . From Hardcore to violent to homosexuality and to even wanting to do things with under age people it will only get dirtier . But dont worry as long as you stay strong and stick to nofap all of this guilty pleasures will dissapear and you will reclaim your true self and your true sexuality .
     
  7. thorns

    thorns Fapstronaut

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    I've never jacked off to any hard gay porn, but during the last year or so, I have been growing increasingly obsessed with shemale stuff. It started with some drawn images I ran into on the internet, you know
    those hentai pics where a hot girl is drawn with a dick (basically a female in every way, except only with male genitals). From there I found my way to videos depicting trans women, them jerking off, having sex with other transsexuals or even regular dudes. Not sure if these count as homosexual fantasies, but they certainly border it very closely, at least in my mind.

    One thing I have noticed while masturbating to transsexual women/girls with dicks: after getting off, I always, always and instantly after orgasming feel absolutely disgusted at myself. Any lust or pretense of affection I may have felt towards them is instantly erased and replaced with a nauseating sense of shame and regret. I have actually felt like puking afterwards. When I masturbate to regular hot girls, this does not happen, and I actually may feel pretty good afterwards, continuing to fantasize about cuddling with her in bed (of course, not counting the regret of having relapsed again). Also, when I orgasm to trans porn, I never really shoot semen, it just kind of drips out of my cock. When I fantasize about having sex with a woman, I usually shoot big loads without any feelings of instant disgust and regret.
    It feels good and natural, unlike with transsexual women, where it feels twisted and plain sick.

    I never want to have sex with a trans woman. I can only imagine how bad I would feel after that, when only orgasming to trans porn can induce such a powerful revulsion. It just feels wrong. Not cool or progressive as the mainstream media paints it nowadays, just perverted, unnatural and wrong. This obsession and the disgust I feel towards it is the main reason I'm now very determined to drop PMO for good.

    EDIT: In case someone was offended by what I said here, I'll just let you know that it was in no way intended as personal attack on anyone. I've always identified myself as a straight male, and in all my 30 years I have never before felt any sexual attraction towards males or trans women, so therefore I feel strongly opposed to these feelings, and I described truthfully what I feel. To me these fantasies seem unnatural and sick, because they are clearly caused by PMO and messed up neural pathways in my brain, and are not something I was "born with", as I understand many homosexuals / trans people are.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 28, 2020
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  8. jr426

    jr426 Fapstronaut

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    Just like all the other guys on this thread, I’m too suffering from years of gay porn consumption.

    My issue has a lot to do self-confidence, shaming, low self-esteem, etc. My brother and dad were always extremely tough on me growing up so I always seeked male attention.

    When I used to watch gay porn, the ones that really turned me on were mutual jerk offs, body worshipping, straight “brosexual” stuff but was always repulsed by the extreme hardcore stuff. Looking back, I realized that the bonding aspect is really what I craved and not being sexually and/or romantically interested in men. After so many years, I’ve also developed a body dysmorphia to attain my “ideal” male physique I find attractive.. just like the guys you see in porn or celebrities.

    PMO has made me become turned on by attractive guys in real life but the feelings I get are anger, frustration, jealously.. mixed in with arousal (mind linking physique to gay PMO) and confusion and self-doubt. Phew, a lot huh?

    Although, now that it’s been a week hard mode, I can start feeling that some these emotions are fading away. I’ve had a couple of gay erotic dreams, but a lot of straight ones too, each night so now I can see that my mind is trying to reset itself to my true orientation.

    The goal is after 90 days that I’m able to fully recover and rehabilitate my brain sexually so I can be more confident in my sex life.
     
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  9. 19m

    19m Fapstronaut

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    i have this same issue but with a male feminine ass . is that the same or am i bi i am straight as well too
     
  10. LSPN

    LSPN New Fapstronaut

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    Hi, I am having a similar problem
    (HUGE POST)
    This is my first post, I am 20 year old male, I am not against the LGTBQ group, my uncle is actually gay, but I've never seen my self being part of that group, guys just never aroused me or attracted me in any sort of way, if something they repuse me. I don't like anything about a guy, not their physical appearance or any other way, I only have a BRO feeling for guys. I started NOFAP due to a sexual orientation problem, I had never doubted my sexuality until 30 day ago when I watched
    gay porn which gave me a different kind of rush, I actually watched it as a joke, " how is it possible that this is a category" I thought, I watched just one gay porn video with the idea to test and reinforce my straight sexuality, I was 100% sure I was going be disgusted, more like a joke to me, but my surprise was when I felt a rush from my toes to my head and felt another level of arousal, I started to shiver I don't really know why that happened but I masturbated to it and had a huge orgasm, after PMO I didn't feel guilt at all, I was very impressed with the fact that I liked it, I watched it and MO 2 more times different days, until I started having Gay fantasies, I don't feel attracted to a man in any way, but I have sexual fantasies about sucking a Pennis and playing with it, and having gay sex.
    this was the moment I realized something was wrong and started looking for answers and found NOFAP. the first time I lasted 11 days no PMO, after relapse to gay and straight porn, I started again, I lasted 14 days, until I relapsed today to tranny porn. I could really feel the difference, in only 14 days I felt huge energy, my eyes opened to different perspectives and points of view, I felt alive and not a slave of my own body, I could sleep 2 hours and I would wake up with the energy of 6 red bulls I slept each day thinking about the enthusiasm of waking up the next day to do stuff. I felt more intelligent as I could recall things from the past, even old ladys stared at me, it has been one of the best decitions in my life, brain fog started to fade away, I always see myself as a cold person, I didn't really felt love for people, not even my life friends, after only 14 days I literally felt like I missed my friends and family. I started to feel like the big brother to my brothers, and a great son to my parents, I felt more as a good person and "ALFA". 14 days may not sound as much but it has been one the the hardest things to achieve in my life. The good things are hard to get but are worth the price. So back on track with my gay fantasies, after some days of PMO abstinence gay thoughts started to be less frequent, but the moment they hit they where very intense, I started to think about my best friend and things that never have happened to me. I relapsed today. I am scared to death with the Idea that I might be or become gay or bisexual, I have nothing against LGTBQ as I said before, but I just don't want to take that path in my life, I am not interested at all, and I am fighting with all my will power to abstain from Gay fantasies or urges, but they are getting hard to control. Before I saw gay porn I had no problem being around guys, after gay porn, I feel nervous around guys, not in a "butterflies in my stomach" way, but more like an insecure way. My family is a very macho family, guy work girls stay house, Pennis = boys, vigina = girls, basically black or white, no gray are. I feel pressure with my family, as it is a topic that would basically get me kicked out of my family. I don't want to become gay or Bisexual, Not only because of my family, but because I don't want to, I feel disgusted about thinking of kissing a guy or being in a romantic relationship, but I wonder what would if feel to give oral sex to a guy or have anal sex . I love girls, I actually have a 3 month girlfriend that I love with all my heart and I would like to marry her, I know it sounds intense, but I feel she is the one, but I don't want these thoughts to kick in later in life and fuckup my family, I want to be "cured" for good. I wanted to add that when I watch gay porn my Pennis doesn't get hard unless I touch it, but with lesbian or straight porn my Pennis gets hard by sight. I wanted to add that I have had sexual experiences before(only girls), and in 3 different times my Pennis didn't work, it was like dead, and the other times I didn't enjoyed sex with girls as much because of a flaccid Pennis. With NOFAP Ive been having hard erections that I hadn't seen in a while, until day 12 when my Pennis seems to be dead and small, I believe I entered flatline. During flatline I don't wake up with morning wood or erect if I fantasize, my body is no sexual at all, but my mind is more sexual than ever, it is very strange. The funny thing is that my girlfriend makes me hard just by talking or chatting, Instagram models don't make me feel anything, but my girlfriend make me feel everything, any thoughts on this? is it really flatline? I ve also had mood swings where I doubt and feel worthless in my relationship, but she convinces me otherwise just by talking. I am sorry I write so much, but I want you guys to have the best perspective of what is happening in my life and how I feel. I want to share my habits and porn addiction with you. I've watched porn since I was 9 years old, as many of us, I started watching "vanilla" porn, but it escalated, this is basically the order of how it escalated, I want to be very specific to have specific thoughts or answers if possible.
    +++ (!!!can be triggering!!!) guy on girl, big boobs, big ass, 2 girl 1 guy, lesbian, double penetration, gang bang, huge dildo masturbation, lesbian gang bang, interracial, interracial gang bang, big dick on tinny girl, orgy, lesbian orgy, schoolgirls, bondage, anal, painal, huge insertion, hard core in general.+++ This where the usual categories I used to watch, which escalated in that same order, I am a very curious person, which led me to watch zoofilic porn, rape videos, young girls, hitting girls, bleed sex, cry sex, forced anal, well you get the idea, Iliked them and MO to them,
    I am not proud at all if anything I am ashamed, I am sorry for being this specific but I really want to know what is happening to me. The problem started when I watched gay porn as I stated above. I can't get these fantasies and urges out of my head, and the doubt about if I am gay or Bisexual always arises. As I got more and more in to the different ways to please myself I started doing more and more thing that I saw in porn videos, when I was maybe 16 I tried anal masturbation, at the beginning I dint really like it until the 3rd or 4th time, I do think it is some how a "gayish" thing to do, but that is my opinion, some will think it is fully gay and others will think it is a nerve ending area the feels good and is not gay at all, but that's up to each individual. As porn escalated I started trying to insert bigger things, tried alcohol edema, basically I took it to a stupidly level, as I write this I can see how fucked up I am. Ive always been the guy that gets all the chicks, the guy that everyone loves, they guy that can go into a night club and take home the girl I want, so it is a surprise for me that I liked gay porn, and I don't want it to be that way any more. I am at the point that I don't really see the difference between being with a girl or a guy (sexual), I don't see the division between the 2 genders any more, as if I was pansexual, I don't see what's wrong with watching zoofilic porn for example, if I was in the place where they are filming the porn video I would probably join with no guilt at all, it freaks me out, I feel like if I lost my morality and the perspective of sexuality, I am very sexualy confused and need help urgently. I would really like to know if this is a phase while I accomplish 90 days, if anyone else has felt the same, Will I finally lose my anal masturbatin urges, because I hate doing that, but sexual desire is too strong, am I becoming gay or bisexual? Please don't tell me to accept myself, or to try experiment, I want to go back to the person I was before.

    I am sorry for the size of the post and for my bad spelling, English isn't my first language
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 28, 2020
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  11. Supination

    Supination Fapstronaut

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    Hey Bro, Welcome to Nofap! Congratulations on your wise decision!

    Just wanted to calm you down and say that you're totally fine. Your'e not gay.(And there's nothing wrong about being gay).
    I too suffered from HOCD for a few months and i can understand you. It's living hell. 2 years ago, I developed HOCD when i was dating my ex gf. I felt no attraction even though i knew she was good looking. I only managed to achieve semi erections and i couldn't maintain them. And then we broke up. Then i tried to have sex with another girl and i couldn't get it up with her too. I lost my attraction to girls due to porn escalation and excessive usage of porn and it only makes your HOCD worse cause you keep questioning yourself.
    I managed to overcome HOCD, But it took me a while and a lot of willpower and patience. If i did it, you can too, I promise you!

    First, You have to stop Watching porn and Masturbating! (I'd say avoid masturbation no matter what). They're both addictions. So quit porn and masturbation FOREVER, FOR GOOD!!!
    Also, I'm pretty positive that 90 Days aren't enough for you my friend. You fell deep in the rabbit hole. Some people recover in a few days, Some in a few months and many of us have to wait a year or two. 90 isn't a magical number.. NoFap is very individual and most importantly it's not a challenge. It's a way of life..
    There's no point in coming back to what gave you so many problems. right?

    Second, You have to realize that these are just thoughts and your'e not your thoughts. It's your brain and the anxiety that keep messing and playing with you. Do not take them too seriously and stop stressing + stop checking yourself and your attraction towards men. Every time Your'e telling yourself "I can't be gay", "Maybe i'm gay".. etc, Your'e just making your HOCD worse. Your'e feeding it. That's exactly what your anxiety wants. Just accept that you have HOCD.

    Third, Consider going to a Psychotherapist. Your'e very young and dealing with HOCD in your age is very difficult. There's no shame in using the help of a professional!!! I did it and it helped me tremendously. I went to an expert who dealt with people who had HOCD before she Used a method that is called CBT it treats Anxieties and how to control OCD's.

    Fourth, I want you to check out this great post:
    https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/5-years-struggle-severe-hocd-transexual-porn.129195/
    by @dr_persistent
    Everytime i see someone who suffers from HOCD i automatically give them this link. I think it's a must for every man with HOCD. a great success story with huge information of how to deal with HOCD and recover. The guy is a life saver.

    Also, You might want to read this articles from YourBrainOnPorn.com:
    1) https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/reb...n-or-gay-attracted-to-straight-porn-whats-up/
    2)https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/rebooting-porn-use-faqs/is-my-fetish-porn-induced/

    Know that your'e not alone my friend. There are so many people with the same case as yours in this forum it's one of the most popular subjects(unfortunately)!
    Were all gonna make it! Have patience and hope!
    Good luck and take care!!!
     
    Last edited: May 9, 2020
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  12. Byzek

    Byzek Fapstronaut

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    so whats the matter? U can meet a guy and suck his dick or be sucked and after that u can look if u like it nor not
     
  13. iwontfail67

    iwontfail67 Fapstronaut

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    That’s the stupidest thing anyone has ever said. You’re basically encouraging someone to act out in a way that would mentally and physically torment him for probably the rest of his life. Giving in to the porn addiction is how your make sure it always has control over you. I assume this is a troll post anyway.
     
  14. Byzek

    Byzek Fapstronaut

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    He has fantasies about men and ur assumption is its because of porn.
    He can try meet a man and look how it goes whats the problem he wont be the first one and last one ‍♂️‍♂️‍♂️‍♂️
    Why would it be a torture for him to date a guy? U are crazy get some help wtf
     
  15. iwontfail67

    iwontfail67 Fapstronaut

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    Because I see you commenting on a lot of Hocd posts encouraging people to act out with guys, I’m just not going to give you a further response. It’s obvious that you are extremely clueless over what Hocd is and how destructive it can be within someone’s life. Unless you got something helpful to say, please leave, thanks.
     
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  16. DrabToLight

    DrabToLight Fapstronaut

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    As a straight man who loves his g/f beyond belief, I am very comfortable in saying there is nothing wrong with being gay. I have gay family gay friends.

    I no longer need porn to get off and am very glad for it. Gay thoughts were not my problem but, other thoughts I wanted to be rid of that I discovered in porn were a problem.

    My experience is that stopping porn stopped my other thoughts.

    Stop porn and your gay fantasies will go away. One last request. As a person with gay people in my life that I love an respect, please don't call gay people gross. It's rude and even Jesus said that those born as eunuchs (gay) can get into heaven.
     
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  17. iwontfail67

    iwontfail67 Fapstronaut

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    Stop going around trying to delegitimise Hocd just because the topic hits you close to home. No one is gay bashing. No one is trying to talk down upon gay people. The condition is legitimate whether it offends you or not. You can easily say nothing. By trying to claim that science says Hocd does not exist (which is obviously not true, as all subtypes of ocd exist), you are no better than the people who are supposedly triggering you. Stop trying to crush people’s hope that Hocd is curable by saying it’s made up, as that can cause a lot of damage to the people who might actually believe you.
     
    Last edited: Jun 29, 2020

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