I have been with my girlfriend for 2 years now. I love her very much of course but I don't think its suppose to be this way. Well there was a time where I wanted to marry her and have kids with her. Sure I still feel this way even up until now but it isn't the same I guess. Our first year together was very rocky. I wasn't always the best boyfriend to begin with either. What made our relationship rocky was due to cultural and religious differences. As much as I wanted to marry and have kids with her I couldn't because I would have to convert to her religion of Islam. Now I come from a Christian family and grew up going to church constantly. I held on to my beliefs and still do to a point strongly. I follow the Bible and in Islam a Muslim woman can't marry a man from outside her religion. So her parents wouldn't allow us together and she wanted me to convert. For a year we basically had arguments over religious differences. I really didn't want to loose her because besides the fact of us being different religions I really adored her and admired her. I wanted her and her only! So after a year of being with her she kept trying to distant herself away from me and I was terrified of loosing her so I told her id convert and pretending to drop my beliefs. I knew what I was getting into because I already had been reading the Quran and learning Arabic even though I didn't agree with Islam's ideologies, no offense to anyone. I was doing this to be with her only. So as soon as the process of conversion started I noticed I had lost some interest in her. I caught myself checking out other females and constantly wanting to be with other women. My relationship got very rocky after that and I would constantly cry by myself. I didn't know what to do because I don't want to leave her because if I stay with her I have to be something I am not but yet I can't be without her because I love her so much. As time went on after being together for a year, I lost more and more interest in her. Although I have noticed I lost interest in being with her, strangely my love has not changed for her one bit. Does this make any sense ? I care for her more than I did before. I can't go a day without her and I constantly find myself focused more on her well-being than mine. I am very scared for my own future with her because I constantly lie about my identity when I am with her and to her family claiming I am a Muslim. At home I am a Christian. I live a double life some days. At heart I believe in Christ and follow the bible as much as I can. I hide that from her and everyone around me besides family. I can't be myself and she wants to marry me soon and I am terrified because I can't even have the type of marriage I want with her and if I ever had kids with her, I don't want to lie to my kids. I compromise everything for her including who I am to be with her. I can't seem to leave her because I love her so much and I go crazy without her and have before. Is this normal ? Please someone help me I am going into tears typing this. I contemplated suicide and running away before but I couldn't do it. Some days when things get rough I still contemplate on just going far away from everyone for a couple of years.