Guys I'm into day 12 of my 30 day abstinence and it was good till yesterday. But today i started thinking all these dirty thoughts and i almost ended up edging. I somehow controlled myself. Also these thoughts come very often when I'm in bed preparing to sleep. How do i avoid them? Cause im sure they'll lead to PMO if i don't keep them on a leash.
They come from time to time to me too.everyday i didn't have a plan to somehow avoid them but if you want to avoid it you can't say that i will stop thinking about it when it comes but the opposite happens!I have a way of dealing with them,every time a dirty thought comes to my mind i think about a particular thing that will somehow stop that thought and makes me think about something else.You should think about something in particular or a series of thoughts that will make that thought go away.I wish i could tell you what i think about but it won't work for you anyway but it's kind of weird so can't tell you.
It's fantasizing. Few tips because many times it's the only thing setting me back. First, you can just keep yourself busy. Occupy yourself by doing productive stuff, go outside, talk with friends, play sports. Just don't let boredom start taking over and make sure you're not getting too much free time in your hands. Second, flip your gremlin. Your gremlin is the voice in your head that convinces you to do stuff that are bad, in this case it's trying to get you to mentally watch porn when porn's unavailable. It's actually there to help us and keep us away from feelings of discomfort (anxiety, boredom, stress...). Identify the factor for this issue and deal with it (you have to figure this out yourself). For example, your brain is afraid of feeling horny. So if you want to start using the image of your friend just for your own fix (objectifying them so you stop feeling horny), remember that 1) it's a scummy thing to do 2) sex is about connection, so you're better off actually talking with her and being connected with her, forming better friendship/relationship Third, if it's regularly happening during a set time, be more cautious and keep yourself busy around that time (night for you I guess). Keep your phone away, focus on other things you're doing so you don't fantasize and make sure your hands are off your pants.
I too really struggle with night time pre-falling asleep fantasies - it's a nightmare. I guess just reeally not letting any thoughts develop in your mind/think of other things, maybe even play soothing music to help you sleep. If you've had a busy day and tired yourself out anyway however then you can be too tired to think of PMO and go straight to sleep.
Maybe if you think of something bad that happened to you it will make you sad and then you won't think about anything dirty.
I used to use a rubber band around my wrist to pull and pain myself with when I started to fantasize. Like that you are supposedly conditioning your brain to associate thinking these kind of thoughts with pain instead of pleasure and it should stop. I did notice the positive difference with time. And it did helped to bring em out of fantasizing at moment. And of course keeping yourself busy and distracted during day works good too. Either by work or maybe book, video game, etc. Now I have different method. I just observe the thinking brain. The brain thinks, not you. So watch the brain think. You can also tell yourself "thinking". Like that you dissociate yourself from thought, instead of indulging in it and losing yourself in it. You are recognizing it as a thought that is being "thinked" and is not real. The whole purpose of those thoughts is to fool you that they are actually happening. So when you not let them do that they lose their power. They stop arousing you and should go away. Then just focus on your breath. Soon there might be another thought that you don't want. So just observe your brain thinking again and say to yourself (in head, not out loud by the way) "thinking". Imagine your brain is not part of you, imagine it's another entity and you are watching that entity thinking. Thought passed, back to breath. Repeat. That is meditation technique that I am doing. Not only helps to calm the thoughts but also relaxes you. Makes it easier to fall asleep too. You can try the combination of those two methods.
