Where do you want your bottom? Do you want a high bottom or a low bottom? It may be a bit unorthodox to post an introduction starting with these questions to the community. I struggled with how to introduce myself here without feeling like I'm about to stand up (virtually, so to speak) as if in a 12-step program. Hi, I'm Outedskeleton, and I'm a sex addict. I've never done the 12-step thing but I hear the coffee and donuts are great. I stumbled on this site while looking for more information and support about sex addiction. I'm a sex addict. I'm not a porn addict; although compulsively looking at pornography and compulsive masturbation are symptoms of my sexual addiction. Everyone has their own bottom; the pain threshold where they finally say, enough is enough. I experienced my bottom about a month ago. My addiction went well beyond pornography and masturbation, it escalated over the years to casual hookups (among other things). I've been married for nearly 17 years, btw. Oh, did I forget to mention that? Yeah, wife doesn't look too kindly on me looking at pornography much less philandering with rando's from online hookup sites. When she discovered that I went outside of our marriage, the pain in her eyes was more than I could stand. I broke her heart; a woman I swore to protect and I destroyed her world. I thought my life was over when my secret was outed to the one person in the world I never wanted to find out. In fact, I considered, more than once, taking my own life. After a couple of weeks of walking around in a fog, I decided to take back my life, to be the man I should've been for my wife the one she thought she married. I began researching this addiction and taking a hard look at my history. This is just the beginning of my journey and I hope to find support and be supportive in this community in order to further my recovery. I've noticed there is a great fear of the dreaded ED throughout this community. Personally, I wish I had experienced that physical response before I sought more than pornography. I believe I had another type of ED, an Emotional Dysfunction. I had a hard time connecting with a beautiful woman that loved me and wanted me but I couldn't be satisfied because of my addiction. But, for others, even my bottom, which I consider my worst nightmare realized, is a low bottom. Some are arrested, lose jobs, their entire family, have their addiction directly affect their children, are beaten and/or robbed, become suicidal; and still, this may not be enough to break the hold that sexually compulsive behavior has over them. What about you, where will your bottom be when you finally decide enough is enough?
Thank you for sharing your story. There is hope. Sex/porn addicts brains tend to look like that of a cocaine addict as far as level of activity goes. But the brain is plastic, and is able to heal itself. I believe it was designed that way. After about two years is what I think it takes to be 100% better. I could be wrong, I didn't actually do the research I heard it from a lecturer. The man said it on a series titled "A Greater Lust" and the man's name is Scott Ritsema. You may be able to find parts of it on YouTube. In other words, there is hope for healing. The key is never giving up. My rock bottom was when I met a girl while doing some things for church. After I became a Christian, I did not want to give up wy sexuality (which one cherished sin can destroy a Christians life). There was a girl there and we started skyping after the summer program was over. I began to push boundaries with her and then I eventually hinted at the fact that I wanted her to flash me. Oh man, that's how I realized I had a problem. That was over three years ago for me. For two years after I was just beating off and then about a year ago I stumbled upon some porn. Then I fell back into porn again. I decided then I need to get serious about this issue and legitimately take my life back. So now it's time. Go die in a fire PMO and sexual immorality.
Yeah, it was similar for me as well. For me, after years of drug/PMO addiction, indecision, missed opportunities, and nearly a decade of depression; it was my conscience crying out after years of neglect. I gave it all up so I could live a life which coincided with my morals/ideals. I wish you the best in overcoming the struggles you are facing, thanks for sharing!
