How should I feel about being single?

"How should I feel?" is a funny question. I wouldn't be able to ask it. I only would be able to ask "How do I feel?"

I have been single for two years as well. In the meantime I experienced a huge shift in what I want out of a relationship. By now I think it is something you invest a lot of time and energy in, and it's only worth it if it's for real.

Recently I missed an opportunity to talk to an attractive girl on the train. I am sure there was a connection and she would have enjoyed it had I spoken to her. I felt stupid afterwards, and to get rid of my thoughts about her (and to test the depth of my feelings) I signed up at an online dating site. Found another attractive girl, but she started flirting with me too hard for my liking. When I told her so, she agreed. I spent some other hours on the site, which were disappointing, and, well, I relapsed. Then I deleted my account I had paid for.

So, yeah, that's my story. I suppose you can already guess that I'm more for 'letting things happen' again. It still hurts that I didn't speak to that girl on the train, but I will get over it.

 

This is a good question. Some aspects I've pondered along similar lines as well. But in passing, as @Headspace notes, there is no answer to "How should I feel"? Parenthetically you should feel how you feel; there's no right or wrong about it. Feeling sad, lonely, depressed, dissatisfied, jealous, ecstatic (at being single, yes, it can happen!), pumped, cynical, self-righteous, calm, peaceful, serene, powerful, tranquil, satisfied, are all normal and OK!

But here's an exercise that may help you. Imagine your time in this body is coming to an end and you are about to take your last few breaths. What will be foremost on your mind, and if you reflect over your whole life, what will your thoughts be? And now also review and reflect what you will have to have done for yourself as you pass through the years from now to then. Imagine different scenarios: (a) you met the love of your life and stayed with her until your last moment, (b) you were single all along, but maybe not lonely, (c) you met several partners along the way, each lasted for different lengths of time, etc. Now think of what are the common things you'd have to do under all those circumstances: take care of your body, your emotions, your intellect and your spirit. Including paying the bills, eating right, doing taxes etc. Think also of peak moments that you want to experience in life: do you want to know God or have a special spiritual path, do you want to be an intellectual giant, do you want to be warm and loving and be surrounded by warm and loving people, do you want to be healthy? Now go out and live your life in such a way that regardless of which option plays out, you will have no regrets on your deathbed.

The truth is no one can predict the future, so if you ask 50 people you will get at least 50 answers (some will change their mind as they speak!). No answer is right. All you have is the present moment. Use it in a way that you will not regret on your deathbed. I chose to use it writing for you. I hope it is of some use. May you find peace and joy. YB.

 

I think that you should not pursue girls now and focus on improving yourself because if you feel lonely then you'll probably end up clingy when you're in another relationship. If you look back at what made your last relationship unhealthy, then you can start improving yourself from there. I've heard countless times that if you're not comfortable being alone (feeling lonely) then you are not ready to be in a relationship. Because when you start your new relationship, and your partner is not with you, then you will "feel lonely" again. Therefore, your problem will still persist. What you should be working on is, being able to keep yourself entertained by yourself. This does not always mean entertaining yourself with media, it could be as simple as reading a book or noticing wildlife and being content. Perhaps you just long the feeling of being intimate with someone. Do you love yourself though? Maybe you need to find balance with life by coming to terms with nature or religion. If you're atheist maybe you can try Buddhism, if you believe in God then maybe you can try to get closer with him. You can still contact family through the phone and ask how they are doing. The best part about being a part of a family is the unconditional love that usually comes with it. I'm not saying that this is true for everyone, but for most people that is the case. You can certainly feel the love from your family if you reciprocate it to them. I'm not in a relationship, but I'm content because I have a loving family. I don't live alone, but I assume that you can still contact your family once in awhile and still feel connected. Otherwise, you can always connect with your close friends.

Life offers much more than just relationships. But, there is certainly a magnetic force that makes us feel extra special when a significant other makes you feel really special. However, we can easily get addicted to that feeling as well, and thus feel lonely without it constantly bearing us. Which is why, I think your problem can be solved by becoming one with nature or your deity and staying connected to family and friends. As humans, we are certainly more spiritual than we think we are and when imbalanced by certain energies we feel empty.

 

I can only tell you how I feel. I am lonely a lot of the time. But I try to focus on all the amazing things going on in my life right now. Including this NoFap challenge even though it is hard as hell. I found that volunteering helps me a lot. Also studying something I really care about. I still look for attractive people everywhere i go. So I am trying to work on doing stuff that gets me noticed too.