How to start the conversation

Hi @blk45. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I understand all too well as a partner of a PA. PA is devastating to relationships.

Have you heard of Gary Wilson's YouTube video "Your Brain on Porn?" Watching that video together might be a good place to start.

Hopefully some of the PA's here will help with some advice on how to approach your husband, too.

I'm wishing you the best! Glad you're here for support as we SO's definitely need it!

 

Hey @blk45 ,

I just finished a reply to your introduction. Normally, I'd just figure you'd see it. But, this forum can be a bit quirky for new members to navigate. So, here is the link to my reply https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/partner-of-a-pa.141057/ just scroll down to see it.

Keep coming back,

L

 

Just tell him. Rip it off like a bandaid. I know easier said then done for most people.

If he knows he's having problems with ed. Suggest porn as a contributing factor to it. Suggest he quit for a while and see if it improves the ed.

 

@blk45 and @osmowife ,

Soft reply here. No judgement on the advise above.

From my perspective as a male that would go over like a loud burp at Sunday Mass.

First, there are two kinds of men the 1% that openly admit to masturbating and the 99% who hide it. So, just from that perspective he's going to react badly.

Men and their erections have a special relationship. For a wife, g/f, husband or b/f to remind a man that he has ED in the same conversation where you've just told him you think he's a masturbation addict would be like an extremely loud fart at Sunday Mass. He's not going to want to talk, discuss, remain calm or frankly look at you for days, weeks or months.

Yes, ripping it off like a Band-aid® brand bandage from Johnson and Johnson® and just coming out with all that you're thinking is an option. But, a more thought out game plan might work better.

As I said in my reply to your introduction post, don't just do something, sit there. Meaning, it's time to seek advise or therapy from a therapist or trusted spiritual adviser. Get yourself in a better place, then act.

Keep coming back - we need you here,

L

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PS - @osmowife , it was not my intention to argue with you. Rather, I wanted to offer a different point of view.

 

it's always great to have multiple points of view. For me it worked because my husband needs blunt. He doesn't pick up on hints or understand if I beat around the bush. I tried that and it failed.
It didn't always go smoothly but it's a sensitive topic for all parties involved.