How would you MO after 90 days?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by bravastan, Feb 12, 2018.

  1. bravastan

    bravastan Fapstronaut

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    First things first:
    - I know that many people believe that NoFap is forever. Forever PM/PMO-free is the only real cure for the addiction, the same as other addictions.
    - I know that when I'm talking about MO after NoFap it's because I'm probably still very addicted.
    - I know that 90 days is an arbitrary number of days which has a variety of meanings but is in the end just made up.

    But I want to at least try to MO after NoFap, because experience was always my toughest teacher. So, is anybody doing it and succeeding? Does anybody have a plan? I would also like to hear the things to look out for but mostly how I could fight it.

    I for instance theorize that I used PMO mostly to avoid homework and problems. My 74 days of abstaining has also made me aware of how fast I get triggered by imagery. So lets say I would only MO when I'm not avoiding homework/problems and not when I get triggered by imagery, would that change anything?

    My plan feels highly under-investigated, thus I'm asking for tips. :) I can't find a detailed plan anywhere else and I'm not going to settle for less.
     
  2. NF4L

    NF4L Fapstronaut

    So you are asking in a forum for addicts, when is it okay to use again? You already know the answer to that, and it is never. You’ve admitted that you use MO to escape your problems, for avoidance, rather than dealing with them head on. Why would you need to use MO again if you’ve solved all your problems and dealt with them, and don’t need an escape? It sounds like you are still in the throws of addiction. Maybe it sounds good to you right now, because you know it feels good. That is the addict talking. Is it really going to make you a better person? Do you really need masturbation in your life? Are you sure you can’t function without it?

    If you answer yes, you might need another 90 days. It isn’t just a made up number, but one that has been tried and proven by many fapstronauts before us to see the benefits, a reversal of the symptoms caused by the addiction, the point where real healing can begin. The point where you can start to be a normal human being, and live life consciously and deliberately with intelligent choices and actions.

    90 days doesn’t make you cured, it’s the time it takes to launch yourself out from the self soothing pit of PMO abuse. It is the point where you realize you are no longer tethered by your addiction, it has less of a hold on you. You can then shoot for the stars and become the best person you can be, free from the throes of addiction. Why on earth would you want to back to that? Without continual recovery and self improvement, the time spent in reboot to launch yourself into orbit will slowly decay, and you will just go right back into the pointless routines and crash hard back into addiction. I don’t understand why you would want to do that to yourself. You can do and deserve better. If not for yourself, then do it for the person you see in the mirror.
     
    Colin the Librarian likes this.
  3. Pmo and mo have nothing to do each others. P is the problem and mo is the thing that have healthy benefits. After my 90 day i will propably fap once in week. Maybe every sunday or such. Just dont ever use porn.
     
    Princeslave and bravastan like this.
  4. FEEL

    FEEL Fapstronaut

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    I don't have any plans.
    I really want to find myself a nice girl and to give up on masturbation once and for all
    but who knows,
    I might relapse by tomorrow or next week/month
     
  5. bravastan

    bravastan Fapstronaut

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    1. "Do you really need masturbation in your life?" Yes, it's a healthy part of life. It's also a form of self-love if you're doing it right. It's not only a form of escape. I only said that I'm "probably still very addicted" because it sometimes seems that's the only cookie cutter answer people get over here and I want to look past it. It's not objectively true because masturbation is a part of life. It's not the same as drugs which are refined chemicals, it's not the same as sugar which are refined plants, etc. Masturbation is something that is normal for us believe it or not. Even animals do it! You could argue that porn is a refined way of masturbation but I wouldn't rule out masturbation itself.

    2. "It sounds like you are still in the throws of addiction." is way too easy to say. You can say that to anything pro-masturbation and get away with it. Don't get me wrong, that statement really helped me but in the end it's an assumption and therefore not always correct. I'm not craving the end of my NoFap period, I'm just exploring new territory...

    3. I don't know if what I'm about to do is good but at least I want to experiment. NoFap was about being strong, is masturbating in moderation not something that makes me even stronger? I'm not going to shy away from it. NoFap was (especially in the beginning) REALLY hard for me but I persevered and I'm going to persevere again. And if I fail, I fail, but at least I tried.

    I was hoping to get past the 'NoFap for life' barrier, just to see if anybody has experience or research. I did found this message! Very helpful!
     
    Deleted Account, NF4L and Princeslave like this.
  6. gunslinger215

    gunslinger215 Fapstronaut

    After quitting, M just sounds wrong to me. Also I’ve seen some great effects of semen retention. I just have more energy throughout the day and more motivation. If I start M again I might lose those benefits.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  7. NF4L

    NF4L Fapstronaut

    @bravastan this is certainly your journey and your life. You set the rules you want to live by. I might take a hardline approach, and those are the rules I choose to live by. I wasn’t making any assumptions, just voicing my opinion from your post and the details provided, and my experience with PA and the impacts it has had on who I am, the choices I made, and the things I’ve done or told myself. I know an addict will find any reason they can to justify their behavior and to continue in their addiction. This is what worried me with your post, so I wanted to ensure you were taking the right steps and thinking of the right things to improve yourself.
    I believe in practicing a continual self improvement cycle. Part of that continual improvement cycle is to make changes, and try new things that work, stop those things that don’t, and continue those things that are working. Making mistakes are what make us human. In my opinion, learning from those mistakes is what continual improvement is all about. They are learning opportunities, not mistakes. The only real mistakes we make are the ones we don’t learn from.

    Masturbation is a part and a start of why I got in this mess to begin with, so I know I will not be going back to it. To me it was a mistake, and I have learned from it. I would tread very carefully if you do decide to engage in using M, even recreationally, and for whatever “right reasons” you believe there may be. Any sign of the wrong reasons, like those you stated in your OP, you should probably refrain. I just don’t see it as an option for me, or anyone as an actual need.

    As for your justification of “normal”, I think you are making a logical fallacy. Sure some animals may M, one could also say that animals also rape and could use your same logic to consider that normal. Does that make it acceptable? Does it make it okay? Sure it is different than M, which you are doing to yourself, but I would even go so far to equate M as a form of self rape.

    I’m sorry if this all sounds a bit extreme, and not the answer you are looking for. I would strongly caution against going back to old habits. Breaking those bad habits and changing your routine through NoFap takes strength, you will certainly become stronger without them. I can’t see how going back to them will make you stronger, I don’t think it works both ways. Hopefully you learn from it, and continue to become the best person you can be.
     
    bravastan likes this.
  8. bravastan

    bravastan Fapstronaut

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    @NF4L
    Thank you for your reply! I should also respect your perspective and I believe yours is based on good reasoning. I think what makes us different is our view on masturbating and behavior change. In the end I promise to make an educated guess!

    And yeah, nothing is "normal". Or maybe I would argue that everything is "normal". Most human species believe raping is unethical but who says we can say what is "normal" or not in the grand scheme of things. Anyway, I was trying to say that it also occurs with other animals who are not subject to our mass media culture.
     
  9. arpyegap

    arpyegap Fapstronaut

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    I think the answer lies entirely within you. For me, after being PMO free for 100+ days, I attempted MO only... not even to fantasy, just the sensation. The results (for me) were quite terrible. In about 2 weeks I was back to where I started or even worse. My brain could not distinguish a difference... MO just the sensation led to fantasy, fantasy led to P, and the rest is history. For me, never is the answer. I am an addict. You may not be. Good luck
     
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  10. Gmork

    Gmork Fapstronaut

    That's a superb answer.
     
    Sbam likes this.
  11. If a real -life-memories only wank will stop you from PMOing, it might be ok. or a no-fantasy wank for testing your reset, on the way your readiness for rewiring as per YBOP.
     
  12. RememberWhyWeQuit

    RememberWhyWeQuit Fapstronaut

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    Honestly, for most individuals MO and P are interconnected and I feel that the temptation of masturbation would indirectly lead to the usage of porn. However, there are individuals that could probably get away with it just not many.
     
  13. M is meaningless after you are healed. Its like asking a smoker how will he smoke after he is healed from his addiction. Makes absolutelly no sense.

    You can ask what we will do with our woman, those we gained during the process, or those we realized are by our side already. Such a question would be seriously beta tho. And the answer... really disturbing!!! :)
     
  14. bravastan

    bravastan Fapstronaut

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    Yeah I know all those reasons already... I'm just asking to look past it. There is A LOT of research and thoughts behind NoFap but I only get easy answers when I'm asking about M without P. When you started with NoFap you had a plan and a whole community behind you, but it seems it's difficult to go past the 'hopeless' phase concerning life after NoFap. I had a detailed NoFap plan and my 'life after NoFap plan' won't be different.
     
  15. Gmork

    Gmork Fapstronaut

    I feel similar at the moment.
    Aside from not using porn anymore, will anything else change?
    Is giving up an addiction more like a new philosophy about the potentials in life moving forwards?
     
    gunslinger215 likes this.

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