Hypocritical Solitude

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Such Small Hands, Sep 23, 2017.

  1. Such Small Hands

    Such Small Hands Fapstronaut

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    Why the title? Simply put: when I want to be alone, I make the effort to be alone, even lying ("Oh, I have this family thing, gotta go") so I can go home and sit in my room doing nothing useful. But when I am alone, I want to be with others, and if I can't do that, I resort to screwing around on the Internet for hours - this includes pornography, and such.

    I like being with friends. But you can't be with friends forever. I'm a college student but I live at home, for distance and money reasons. The more I get older, the more I want time and space to myself, and I just can't do that with family obligations breathing down my neck. A huge regret is that I didn't work hard enough in high school so I could get a full ride to my university - tuition, housing, etc. I think staying at home, so secluded all the time, and festering like a fatass contributed to my addiction to PMO, and all the crass behavior associated with it.

    I love my family, but it's hard. There's a lot of things going on and I just want to shut myself from them. I want to go out and LIVE goddamn it but I just can't. I love my friends but being with them reminds me of how I am by myself, and I just leave in shame.

    My personal favorite movie is Steve McQueen's Shame (2011) although it destroys me every time I watch it. The film is about sex addiction, yes, but the protagonist's true problem is loneliness. This fuels his lust for hookers, porn, masturbation and sex with strangers. This distances him, emotionally, from family, who need him to be present. He's good-looking, fit and pretty suave. But so, so lost. Loneliness kills.

    Does this resonate with anyone?
     
  2. Karimtolstoi

    Karimtolstoi Fapstronaut

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    Yes, I live the same situation as you but for me I am working now. I feel like you the need to live by myself but when my parents go to another city I start missing them. It happens to me to tell myself if only I had studied well in college I would be more free now bit you cannot now. Basically we should never think of the past because it causes us, paradoxically, to repeat the same bad habits.
    I think there is no solution with that except forcing yourself to go out from this sort of loneliness, by calling an old friend for example the moment when you have such feelings.
    Also I would recommend you to read a book entitled the Flinch it deals with social anxiety it could help you.

    Good luck.
     
    Such Small Hands likes this.
  3. dragonaire

    dragonaire Fapstronaut

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    Keep watching it and you'll get stuck at Day 0 due to the amount of triggers it has
     
    Karimtolstoi likes this.
  4. dragonaire

    dragonaire Fapstronaut

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    Your physiological and psychological system is exhausted... It only wants to rest... So it's no surprise you only want to remain at home...

    And about shame? Do the reboot and the shame will go away
     
  5. Such Small Hands

    Such Small Hands Fapstronaut

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    Yep, reboot in progress. I'll likely not see the film for quite some time (I get too emotional, in all honesty) but it remains a masterpiece.

    Been exhausted, but trying my best to be clean. 1 day done since the commitment.
     
  6. Red45

    Red45 New Fapstronaut

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    Well im in the same mood as you rn. Me and my friends make plans about going out and such but about 1-2hrs before the meeting time i just call them and say i dont want to hang out rn. I feel pumped up to meet them as we are making plans but i just get the feeling like it's too much effort to put in, investing time... That's why i started NoFap and want to see what i can change that side of me if hold my self back from PMO.
     
    Such Small Hands likes this.
  7. Such Small Hands

    Such Small Hands Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, I'd do the same thing, sometimes. They'd ask if I was free, and of course I am, but I'd just make some bullshit excuse so I don't have to go out. I'd never tell them "oh, I just don't feel like going out" since it seems mean but lying about it is worse. Whenever I do hang out with them, it's great, but the desire to be alone and please myself overturns my desire to live life with other awesome human beings. Sucks. Now that I'm starting this reboot I hope this changes!
     
  8. Red45

    Red45 New Fapstronaut

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    That's how really it is because we don't want to leave our safe haven and do the not so usual stuff like hanging out and socialize... Btw how is your NoFap going? I see you're in your 2nd day aswell. For me, i tried to avoid social media because of triggers and it worked out. I don't know but i really didn't have any urge to fap. I have got more things done around the houshold, some chores here and there which i would procrastinate if i were PMO. I just try to avoid any naughty thoughts about my female friends like my ex and a potential gf candidate.
     
  9. MeTP

    MeTP Fapstronaut

    I feel your pain, I experienced it for many many years - the longing for meeting friends and the longing to stay alone in one time. It was shattering experience especially when you don't know why it happens.
    I know now that it was addiction acting on me, not the real me and I know that after reboot you will be looking to meet people more and will have less desire to be alone.
    I also hated small talks but on my longest streak I came to the point that I was doing them easily with people as I came to conclusion that real and long lasting friendships and human connection very often starts just from simple talk. I wasn't avoiding them - I was rather seeking actively contact with other people and unexpectedly it was very very nourishing to my soul.
    It was after 30+ sober days. Stick to your reboot and socializing will become as easy as breathing. Been there done that !
     
    mcgrim likes this.
  10. Such Small Hands

    Such Small Hands Fapstronaut

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    It's going - thanks for asking! Day 3's over, and despite some late night doubt, I'm clean. Less chores for me, more school work. I can focus on that much better now that I've shoveled out this dark portion of my life, at least for the time being. The loneliness is still there, but that will abate, in time, if all goes well. Just got to get through this first!
     

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