I’m About to Lose My Job

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by CowardlyLion, Apr 17, 2018.

  1. CowardlyLion

    CowardlyLion Fapstronaut

    I’m completely empty now. I really enjoyed my job. I loved my relationship. Life was good. Everything is crumbling around me because of this addiction. I feel so sick. I’m in desperate need of help. I need to find a sponsor. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I haven’t been acting out lately but my denial, my complacency, and my arrogance have all led to further damage to my life. This was never worth it. I just want one more good day. I just want one happy time again. I want my girlfriend to love me. I can’t do this on my own but I’ve hurt the one closest to me. I’ve lost my girlfriend and my two best friends. I’m going to lose my co-workers who have been so kind to me on bad days. Who seem to care about me.
    This addiction takes everything. EVERYTHING. Please...if you have a chance, PLEASE stop it before you end up like me.
  2. I'm sorry to hear about the ordeal that you're going now.. Take your time, introspect, go to SAA & ask for a sponsor.. Stop the PMO completely.. Have faith in God, He will show you the path..
  3. I don't understand, how has PMO addiction resulted in losing your job? :confused:
  4. CowardlyLion

    CowardlyLion Fapstronaut

    It’s conplicated but actions I took put me in a place where I had no other option but to resign.
  5. Oh bugger! :oops:
  6. recoome

    recoome Fapstronaut

    If possible please ask your boss to take you back. Even if you have to beg, I suggest go for it. Maybe ask them to impose a fine or penalty on you but ask them to not make you quit. Once you quit your job, it'll be worse for you.
  7. Shuffledude88

    Shuffledude88 Fapstronaut

    I believe in you no matter what happens, you are on the right path just by having these insights.
    CowardlyLion likes this.
  8. Devil's Details

    Devil's Details Fapstronaut

    Why, what happened? Bonk the boss' daughter or something?

    Let it out, brother. You're still accepted here.
  9. CowardlyLion

    CowardlyLion Fapstronaut

    I told my therapist something and she told me I should not return to work again. She is going to send a letter to my job. But she doesn’t think it would be safe if I went back. I did some things that could have escalated horribly.
    I’m a teacher. So...I didn’t do anything to hurt anyone. But my therapist doesn’t feel it’s safe for me to go back.
  10. Devil's Details

    Devil's Details Fapstronaut

    That's ok, I get that.
    What someone deems to be a threat to themselves (I assume) or others and what actually is a threat are two different things. Just because that's her opinion doesn't mean it's true. I mean, if you can go 24 days without busting a nut, you've obviously got some pretty good self-control going on. But that doesn't mean the emotions beneath that you're controlling don't feel like tidal waves from time to time.

    I take it the sin we're talking here is suicide talk? Therapist turns on her TV, sees some shooting somewhere, shits her skirt, etc. etc.
  11. Devil's Details

    Devil's Details Fapstronaut

    Feel free to priv me if you like, bro. I understand this may be too personal for a public forum.
  12. CowardlyLion

    CowardlyLion Fapstronaut

    Unfortunately, my boss didn’t exactly fire me. My psychologist has told me I am not allowed to go back to work, because I might be a danger. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to go back there again. It’s probably for the best. But I’m still incredibly upset.
  13. Sorry this has happened. Personally I haven't applied for certain jobs because if they found about PMOA then I might get fired.

    I would encourage you to try to be present. Sometimes we regret or reminisce the past or we worry or anticipate the future but the past has gone and the future hasn't happened yet. All we have is the present. We have thoughts but thoughts are just thoughts and not necessarily reality.

    It's not easy because a lot of us have got into the habit of continuous thinking that is usually pointless. I'm not saying we shouldn't prepare and give the future some thought but so much of our thoughts don't help us at all.

    I've been reading your posts in your journal @CowardlyLion I think you need to stop being so hard on yourself. You've messed up in the past but it's the past. I can and have beaten myself up over my past but it's pointless because neither of us can change the past, and beating ourselves up over it brings the past into our present. I think one thing that will help you is listening to this episode of the Secular Buddism podcast. He talks about letting go of the unhealthy views of ourselves.

    Something else that might help is doing some meditation and mental noting.

    Here's a video that explains mental noting:

    I should add I'm not a Buddist but I do think certain aspects of the religion are helpful.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 18, 2018
    Hypeone, RobbyGo36 and CowardlyLion like this.
  14. Chudmeister

    Chudmeister Fapstronaut

    I'm sorry for what happened to you. We all have this terrible problem. I just know am feeling like I'm almost free of it. You need to speak up and talk to us man, we can listen and not judge you. Your gf probably won't understand you but I hope she's able to keep an open ear for you. The only way I can see it ending is if you really want it to. Keep yourself away from the bad stuff. This week I plan to go to a support group for help, I myself know I have a problem and if it comes in the way of my family and marriage then it has to go. I really hope things work out for you and life does get better.
    CowardlyLion likes this.
  15. CowardlyLion

    CowardlyLion Fapstronaut

    @Wave Surfer and @Chudmeister

    Thanks a lot guys. And to everyone else who keeps responding. I’ve got a lot of hard work ahead of me. I do need to forgive myself but the problem is for all the beating up I’ve done, it took me a while to actually accept that certain actions were my fault. In some posts I cast a bit of negatively towards my partner, but the fact of the matter is she has never stopped trying and there were times where I was absolutely lazy in doing the work to fix things.
    I wish it didn’t take the loss of my job to step things up. But now it’s time for me to grow up and put all of my effort into saving my relationship and my life.

    Thank you for the resources. They are incredibly valuable to me. Anything I receive that helps me, is a boost in helping my life. Thank you all, from the bottom of my heart.
  16. It's right that we take responsibility but there's a difference between being responsible and beating ourselves up. I would also add that while your gf seems to be a good woman you should do it for yourself, not for her. If you reboot it will benefit others but ultimately it should be for yourself.

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