I am 50 years old and just recognized I am addicted to porn

I have been fapping since 12 years old, way before Internet was created. I started fapping looking Playboy and Playgirl magazines, later going to xxx movie theaters.
Years later VHS made porn a bit easier, although you still needed to go to porn shops to buy it.
Internet made everything much easier, and without noticing Inbecame addicted to porn.
I am married for 26 years and have two sons (24 and 20), they know nothing, but slowly I lost interest in having sex with my wife and we have started being more and more apart.
when I have sex with her I pretend I am horny, but I am fantasizing about porn instead of thinking that I am with her.
I started being careless. I paid a subscription to a porn site with my credit card two weeks ago and one of my sons realized. He thought it was a credit card fraud ( or at least he pretended)
Some times I am in my office, there is people in other offices next to me and I cannot avoid jacking off watching porn. Sooner or later I can be discovered doing this, and I am the boss, so it will be very embarrassing and can jeopardize my job.
Lately I am even fapping in my bed with my wife sleeping next to me.
I never thought this was an addiction until one week ago when I found a TED talks show in YouTube from Glasgow, with a guy talking about porn addiction. I did a test I found online to see how big was my addiction and I got the maximum score.
This is when I read about NoFap, and I saw videos of some guys telling their story.
I deleted all the porn movies I had in my notebook ( I have been saving those for years) and will throw all the porn DVD's ( which I do not watch lately anyway).
I am scared. I have been watching porn for the last 38 years, and I know it will not be easy.
I am tempted all the time, amused to fap twice or three times a day, it was so much part of my daily routine that I need to change my habits now dramatically.
I used to wish my wife to go out with friends so I could be alone and fap.
Some times I got back to my house during the day ( my office is right around the corner) just to watch porn and fap.
Any tips for the first few days?
I am scared
Thank you
Fernando

 

Tonight I was feeling a bit weak and needed to get some strength to keep fighting PMO, so I decided to read my first posts.
This was 320 days ago, when I learned I was a porn addict and discovered NoFap and started the challenge.
I was depressed and felt disoriented, weak and lost.
After reading how shitty I was feeling , I compared to my current life and cannot do anything else than thank God.
Some days I may be feeling some urges, and may be tempted to get back to MO ( watching P is not a temptation any longer). But it does not compare at all with the strong, obsessive , compulsive desire for PMO that I was feeling in that moment.
Now I can control my urges, I am a rational person who can rationalize and determine what is good and what is wrong for me. I am not an animal anymore, looking irrationally for quick satisfaction.
I can stand pain now because I know that it assure me to have pleasure in the future, forever.
This is why I keep fighting every day, and I commit never to get back to the person I was 320 days ago
Fercho

 

Thank you @nolongercloudy for reading and posting a comment.
Some times is good to look back to put things in perspective, specially those days when we feel that we are not strong enough to keep fighting this war

 

Thank you @Fourier , I am happy that my post has motivated you to stay clean today.
I will be more than happy to accept your asado...I am original from Argentina, we know quite a bit about beef
Keep on fighting, and never lower the guard
Fercho

 

Ja,ja. @Fourier El mundo es chico.
Estoy en USA, pero viajo seguido a BA asi que te voy a hacer cumplir la promesa cuando llegue a los 365 dias!
Tenemos un grupo de NoFap Hispanoparlantes (ultimamente no esta demasiado activo), te invito a sumarte.
Abrazo
Fercho

 

Hi guys:
Exactly one year ago I register to NoFap and posted this , my first post.
I had "discovered" just four days earlier about PMO addiction and understood immediately that I had been a porn and escorts addict for 41 years.
As you can read, I was very scared and broken. I had no clue about how to fight this addiction, it was a process that I implemented "on the go".
All the support and advise from other fellow Fapstronauts made the difference between failure and success.
When i read now my earlier posts I smile, specially one a week later asking if I could stay in reboot while still hiring some escort in a trip to Boston
Fortunately some Fapstronauts told me that "sex with escorts is like porn in steroids", I still remember this sentence and laugh.
Anyway, for those of you who are starting, I encourage to read some of my earliest posts so you can convince yourself that the addiction can be defeated. Today is my Day # 370 and I am a new person, much happier and relieved after so many years living with this shitty addiction inside
Stay strong
Fercho

 

Hi @Lyle1958 , thank you for reading my post.
I have the compilation of all the postings I wrote during this year, it is a long list, I cannot copy everything here because it does not allow to write more than 30,000 characters. You can click on my profile icon and search for all the postings I wrote. I hope you do not get bored and can get some inspiration for your journey.
I am copying here just the links if this is easier for you:





http://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/i-am-50-years-old-and-just-recognized-i-am-addicted-to-porn.38254/#post-512240




http://www.nofap.com/forum/index.ph...ut-my-testicles-are-aching.38473/#post-247151




http://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/telling-to-my-wife-or-not.38744/#post-256289




http://www.nofap.com/forum/index.ph...-eight-days-ago-and-i-am-pretty-scared.38550/





http://www.nofap.com/forum/index.ph...-me-a-lot-during-my-reboot.39774/#post-259121






http://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/how-we-became-great-pretenders.40310/#post-263991





http://www.nofap.com/forum/index.ph...est-day-in-my-last-decades.40301/#post-263879





http://www.nofap.com/forum/index.ph...have-never-imagined-before.40954/#post-269215





http://www.nofap.com/forum/index.ph...d-in-the-fight-against-pmo.42376/#post-283419







http://nofap.com/forum/index.php?th...ew-ways-different-than-pmo.42874/#post-290830





http://www.nofap.com/forum/index.ph...-boston-as-a-different-man.43098/#post-296506





http://www.nofap.com/forum/index.ph...i-cannot-believe-i-made-it.44473/#post-302364





http://www.nofap.com/forum/index.ph...ead-100-days-in-my-counter.45173/#post-308690





http://www.nofap.com/forum/index.ph...t-during-my-first-100-days.45178/#post-309287





http://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/things-that-helped-me-with-my-reboot.46150/#post-316986





http://rebootblueprint.com/reboot-success-story-51-years-old-when-i-discovered-nofap/














http://nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/120-days-and-counting.46773/page-2#post-342582



http://nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/my-first-150-days-clean.49158/#post-346817


NoFap en Español 10-29-15

http://nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/nofap-en-español.50547/


http://nofap.com/forum/index.php?th...ear-of-the-rest-of-my-life.51463/#post-368702





http://nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/7-months-of-freedom.53882/#post-390652




https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/what-i-feel-after-9-months-clean.59300/


https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/10-months-pmo-free.61791/#post-464964


https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.p...-me-during-my-first-320-days-of-reboot.62940/


https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/time-magazine-chose-porn-vs-sex-as-their-cover-story-on-todays-issue.63184/#post-478067


https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/my-11-month-pmo-free-victory-speech.64173/#post-486255


https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/counting-down-to-my-first-year-pmo-free.66398/page-2