I am a idiot, and am destroying myself

hello everyone i im 23 years old and like all of you have a problem with porn, i was aware of it for quite a while but now the time has come to get some help and stop it.

i have been watching porn and mastubating to it as long as i can remember. i started when i was 13 or 14 i think. have had problems getting hard for a long long time now, i maneged to quit some times and it got better but then i would go back to porn again even when i had a girlfriend.

for the last couple of weeks i have tryed and tryed again to quit watching porn or atleast look at some soft porn or pictures only.
there was a time when i stil thought that anal sex was discusting to look at... these last years its rarely vaginal porn, anal gets me hard faster..
the porn i was watching was making me sick (mental and fysical) of my self and every time i would find new even harder porn, to the point that i realised that this was a fantasy that would never go with any person unles you are a good payed porn actres or a sex slave..

i mostly lie on my bed with my iphone and fap there, these last weeks has been really destructive.. i really mean they literly have ruind my dick and libido, as i mastubated against the sheets with a circumsised dick i got a wound on the tip of my penis and i did not notice it until i climaxed and the sheets were full of blood.
after this i sayed to my self that i would not do it again but the craving started again and i could not resist. the blood did not mater anymore, i would say only 5 min or il do it but not climax. ofcourse once started i was hooked and could not stop for several hours. and if my dick protested i would continue as long as it would take with even harder porn.

also this addiction has ruind my wrist and my elbow and shoulder on the right side. witch cannot hande the same movement for hours an end anymore.
also because i have x legs my left leg hurts like hell after i climax, i think its because i put to much tension on it when i al lying in bed. i know that its from this because its geting worse with eatch time i do it and stand up from my bed.
also i am suicidal and depressed for a realy long time now.

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today i had not mastubated for 3 days (because there was something to look forward to) until the craving just was to much! the feeling was to strong and i thought again "only 5 min" ... i leyed in bed for several hours where i watched porn again..... this time when i came my prostate and balls hurt so bad that i cramped up after and sayed to myself: YOU GOT TO DO SOMETHNG YOU FOOL. this was not the plan! and i mentaly broke down in a sec.

yea........ and here comes the idiot part......... i could have had sex this evening...
i met a girl at an event while dancing, that demanded to give me my phone to write her nr down and endsisted that i had a drink at here expence. then she told me that she was bisexual and in for some kinky shit..
we had phone sex the next day and asked me to also come to here party where she would be wearing jarretels with here "girlfriends"...

while writhing this i know that a lot of people are thinking this is bulshit, its a god damm dream come true and he is staying home to look at porn. but plz realise that i know of myself that like so many othere,s here... it... has a problem getting up... and the shame that comes with that was just to great for a room full of bisexual girls..

i cant take it any more and got to get rid of this addiction!!!!!
i hope that with the help of this forum and you guys i can beat this.
no more faping no more porn. the only way is the hard way. cold turky...

 

thanks i know i can do it and i am comitted to this goal. and i have the feeling that i can be honest here even if i have a hard time or fall back. the mean goal of mine is to get rid of it eventualy.

when i read the story,s here i dont feel that lonely anymore.