I don't care about semen retention or keeping my sperms in

Yes, i only care for living a healthy natural life which is if i'm about to explode due to overload of sperms in my body i would wait for my body to ejaculate in the form of normal wet dream. My problem is that 50% of my penis is numb as it's not sensitive and also that it's been over 15 years all my brain and body knows is to ejaculate by hand simulation which made any ejaculating during normal sex things like blowjobs or complete intercourse is impossible so what i aim for is only for my body to go back to be natural.. my problem currently stands at that i feel a pinch in the head of my dick along with a little pressure at the end of my back. I keep thinking if my body needs to release the liquids but i don't want to masturbate EVER AGAIN. also there is no room for having sex with a girl in my life right now. I'm going to see a doctor tomorrow to tell me about the pinch i keep feeling but now i actually left work early because i couldn't work because of as it's very disturbing. But no i don't want to keep the liquids inside me and i don't want to masturbate and i have no idea what should i do at this very moment. I wish i could just be normal again.