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I don't even know what to do anymore

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by ISFPdude, Mar 30, 2018.

  1. Mar 30, 2018 #1
    ISFPdude

    ISFPdude Fapstronaut

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    I've been trying to quit for around 6 months now, and my best streak is still 6 days. I feel like I'm constantly going through a cycle with two stages: One of which is trying and failing, the other is just not giving a fuck because I'm so done with failing. I've tried strategy after strategy, but it keeps coming down to me just not having the willpower to follow through with those. Today I relapsed just because it was something to do, I didn't even enjoy it a tiny bit while it was happening, I didn't feel an urge to, I just did it. That's not even new, it happens that way at least once a week and I'm back to relapsing almost every day. I'm fucking sick of this shit and I hate myself. I don't know what to do, how to quit, or if it's even worth it.

    I don't even know what question to ask really. I just need help, somehow, even if someone can just point me towards a question I need to answer that I haven't thought of yet. I've given up quitting in all but words and intellect, and I'm sure as hell not going to give up there, but it might not be enough. I don't know. Sorry for the ranting, incoherent thread.
     
    ISFPdude, Mar 30, 2018
    ISFPdude, Mar 30, 2018
    #1
  2. Mar 30, 2018 #2
    Vitabella

    Vitabella Fapstronaut

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    I might not have the answer. I am resetting my counter today too. But I know this much. Hating yourself won't help at all. Don't hate yourself.
     
    Vitabella, Mar 30, 2018
    Vitabella, Mar 30, 2018
    #2
    Ragnar_Lothbrok likes this.
  3. Mar 30, 2018 #3
    Never Again

    Never Again Fapstronaut

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    It feels this way in the beginning, believe me (and for some of us, me included, 6 months is still the beginning). I have been at this for around 3 years now, but I’m still not out. My advice is to set up restrictions on your computer and phone (I used k9 for my windows and have the parental restrictions set on my iPhone. This happens to be pretty airtight). Spend some time setting this up and looking for possible loopholes before making it permanent (that is, locking yourself out of being able to change it back), even if it means you relapse during this time (believe me, it can save you a lot of time). Make damn sure it is ironclad. Currently, I use a standard user account on my own computer (I locked myself out of the administrator account). I have hidden k9 using resource hacker such that even if I knew the password, I wouldn’t be able to access administrative controls. I have even set a password for my BIOS settings, essentially preventing me from changing any of this unless I buy a new computer. You may need to take extreme measures to rid yourself of this. Willpower alone may not be enough. It certainly wasn’t for me.
     
    Never Again, Mar 30, 2018
    Never Again, Mar 30, 2018
    #3
    Arkaman22 and Ragnar_Lothbrok like this.
  4. Mar 30, 2018 #4
    Arkaman22

    Arkaman22 Fapstronaut

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    My Journal
    I understand you perfectly, I understood I have a problem probably like 6 months ago, and it has been a failure after failure, sometimes I feel just the way you feel man, I've even considered suicide , this addiction has taken a deep part of me and I know that in order for me to move forward I must abdandon that shit, but as you said willpower sometimes isn't enough, each time that I fail, I discover something knew about my addiction, like something that leads me to that place, you gotta be aware of those moments, think carefully about the problem, be creative in the ways you can stop yourself from doing that, make that a daily challenge, man, is a struggle for me, I cannot stop myself but I'm trying, wish you the best
     
    Arkaman22, Mar 30, 2018
    Arkaman22, Mar 30, 2018
    #4

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