I don't know what to do.

I've been there man, honestly I'm pretty sure most people here have. Day 0 - 3 are always the hardest for me because there no benefits and allll the urges in the world and all you can do is grit your teeth and bear it. I will try to offer up some of the things that help me to get out of the despair enducing ta
r pit that is the long standing relapse. It really can feel like a bird with a broken wing "I'm gonna do it" 1 day streak....relapse......2 day streak.....relapse.....and on and on. Once you get the ball rolling things become easier because the desire drops off and you start to feel benefits which gives you motivation.

I've always tried to do this alone and I have just joined my first Accountability group on telegram and I have to say it is REALLY helping! Just having other people in the same age group going through exactly the same thing and all supporting each other has made this streak the easiest I've ever had. I'd recommend you join a couple and find one that works for you.

For me the PMO was a way of numbing my emotions and escaping from life into a pleasure filled digital harem fantasy land. I would have a messy house and unpaid bills and worries and porblems just pilling up around me but while I was "in it" it didn't matter and for a while the pressure and the pain of being so dysfunctional and essentially living the life of an addict, was gone......for a while....but obviously you have to come back to reality sometime and now its got shame and low energy levels and lack of sleep and "oh shit what time is it how the fuck did I spenmd so long....". So tip number two is get to know yourself a bit better. Learn a little about self compassion. Get a therapist and see if you can find out where the shame or the original pattern is coming from, if there is one. Really invest some money and time in it, most people don't....and it really transforms lives.

If you've got no will power to quit PMO then maybe get some victories in other areas. Set the bar low. Literally just above where you are now, in any area that scares you or is bothering you. Demonstrate to yourself that you have the ability to change and overcome challenges, no matter how small it doesn't matter because it will add self trust and self esteem.

The stark truth is that its very difficult to overcome an addiction through sheer force of will unless your at a point in your life where you are ready. If PMO is still serving a purpose for you, in its own poisonous way, then it might take some changes in your life to get you to a place where you're ready for the final boss. Take the pressure off the PMO if its too strong right now, it comes in waves anyway, have a look around for some of its smaller minions and slay them, absorb their power and level up. Get a taste for what its like to be a person in control of their life and get a clearer vision of the person you will become without PMO. Learn to embrace life and its difficulties and maybe you'll find the escapism feels different, has less allure. Keep a reflective journal and start framing things like a story of someone overcoming a challenge to keep things focused and moving forward.

This is all just opinion so take with a pinch of salt but I already know you'll find a way forward, just pick a target, take some action and trust the process. You got this!

 

King John is right that everyone has been there. You might need to take more extreme measures, and go without internet entirely for a week (as a starting point), whatever the inconveniences might be.

 

This is good advice from Enwar. My first major run was all thanks to having no internet at all. The moment I got internet back I relapsed, because I had no idea how to manage my online triggers, but it gave me a real taste of freedom and what that feels like so I was hungry for recovery then. The important thing is to couple it with a new lifestyle, so you're not just giving something up, you're building something new. Gym is a good one for that.

 

Never push yourself too hard. First accept it as a fault. What you're doing is not right and harmful. You gotta have some self-pity and love for yourself. I know now you've relapsed and you regret that. But trust me, "THE MORE YOU REGRET, THE MORE CHANCES YOU WILL END UP RELAPSING AGAIN" So accept the fact and move on. whatever's done in the past shall be left in there. All you have to focus is on your future endeavours. You have to make a list of reasons which led you to this relapse and find solutions for those problems. Remember!!! Quitting comes with cost, and that is sacrification. You have to sacrifice your temporary feelings and arousals. ALL THE BEST!!!