Despite a few relapses, I'm currently six days PM free in a 90 day challenge, which I'm very happy about. I'm already feeling some benefits. My girlfriend and I hadn't been having as much sex lately, which is one of the reasons that prompted me to do nofap. I just wasn't as interested in it after PMO multiple times a day, sometimes because of an artificially satisfied "sex drive" and other times because i felt ashamed which diminished my libido. She's been very busy lately and I think she hasn't noticed because she ascribes us having less sex to how much stuff she has to do. She doesn't know about my addiction and I don't want to tell her because I think I can quit without her and would rather keep it between myself and my accountability partner. We hadn't had sex in a few days and then we did a bunch of times yesterday, when I was PMO free for 5 days. The sex was amazing and I can't remember it feeling that good or being that into it in a long time. She said the same thing. The problem was with that good feeling I had less control of myself and couldn't last long as I used to. I told her that I thought it was because I wasn't as used to having sex and if we did it more maybe i'd be back to normal, but I think it's because so much PMO had desensitized me. I obviously love having better sex and having control over my urges to PMO, but I also wish I could last as long as I used to. I feel bad for her too because she's unable to orgasm so just a few minutes of sex isn't really enough for her a lot of the time. Does anybody else have any advice or similar experiences?
I recommend a "real" accountability partner, as opposed to someone online. We tell the truth and are terrible partners for the exact same reason; we have nothing invested in you. And you have nothing invested in us. A person you know in the flesh is a better partner than any person who may or may not be a figment of your imagination. That said, I highly, highly recommend telling your girlfriend. Ive been here long enough to see the pattern. Those who tell their SOs stick around, even after several relapses, and those who don't tend to fade into the ether. More than that, she probably knows something is wrong and doesn't know what it is. She's probably blaming herself. You will also likely experience mood swings and pronounced irritability in the first few weeks, and she has a right to know why. You can come up with a list as long as the munchkin you've been punching of reasons not to tell her, some more legitimate than others. The truth is, though, that you have better chances if you do. You might be surprised with her reaction. Some already know, some are relieved, most respect you more for being honest and vulnerable. They can also get angry with you, and if she does, just ride it out. If she can't handle it, that's her prerogative. You either have to accept it as your fault, or consider yourself better off, but telling her is the right thing to do. For the second half of your post, you're all over the place. Take another look at it. You say S is better for you AND HER. She's unable to O, though. So take your time in foreplay. Focus on her, slow things down. Porn has us guys convinced that women want penetration as long and furious as possible, and it simply isn't true. Talk to her, learn what she wants, and under no circumstances should you make assumptions based on what you have seen in streaming HD.
Tell her. Don't let your personal issues become hers. She might develop feelings of inadequacy and its terrible. You are indeed more "sensitive". There is some sexologists that recommends that you fap a little while before real sex, so you can take some of the pressure off....but this is counterproductive to what you are trying to achieve. you can google or youtube "PC muscles workout" (AKA pee muscles), to try to better control your ejaculation. Also, there is breathing techniques that can help. some Trantric sex practices call for the re-shuffling of the energy away from the groin to reduce the pressure. This sounds like "advanced" techniques tho which requires practice... You can try sex positions that are less stimulating to you. there is desensitizing creams and gels you could use, but it could numb her too if in direct contact with her skin, so if you do so, it would have to be on your skin, with a condom on top (if that's an option). But all in all, trust me, PMO'ing to desensitize you is obviously not the option. You want to become more sensitive and loving/caring, not being a stone-cold "habituated" lover. I would also want to last longer than I do. I always treat her to one clitoridian O first, so she gets some candy. Porn lied to us...mens don't all last forever...3-7 minutes average is what you are looking at. I don't want to start a pissing match with anyone that pretends they can last for 30 minutes, good for them.
Lots of good advice here. Foreplay - very loving foreplay - is one answer. Chore play is loads of fun too, just be mindful that you don't link doing the dishes with getting lucky. Yes that was me, and yes that was stupid. So maybe that's a very bad idea for the next 90 days. How long you last does depend on your age too. Most of all, I agree with Meshuga on confession. Hardest thing I've ever done, but the cold hard truth is like the cold showers some blokes here talk about. A serious slap in the face that will keep you so motivated it's not funny. I've relapsed so often, but I feel so confident (still shit scared which is weird) now I've really owned up to it. My wife hurt for a while, no doubt. But we are doing great. Check out fupornwife and fuckyouporn's journals. The female voice will really help you. There's great support here for SO's too. The SO community is just astounding. Read up on their thoughts wherever you see them. It will not be easy. Brick and mortar couple counselling is an option you could consider if it really rocks her. Also the science pages like the Tedx talk (see links in the science forum) - PMO really is a head fuck in every sense. And check back in as soon as practicable.
