I don't want a girlfriend - thats what I said

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by ithastochange, Nov 28, 2016.

  1. ithastochange

    ithastochange New Fapstronaut

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    Hey, just wanted to describe some crazy behaviour of mine in the past and I wonder If someone has experienced the same. I never had a girlfriend, maybe related to PMO. As I'm alread 31 there were many questions from friends and relatives why. Always when I got asked questions like "Do you have a girl?" Or "When will we get to know your girlfriend?" and I had to answer I didn't even know what to say. I just found out about PMO addiction and the effects some days ago.

    I hated these situations that occured for years since I was about 16 years old, it felt awkward. It caused terrible pain in my heart every time, because I wished so much I had a girlfriend and I just had no answer. I always thought there is something wrong with me. I would have told them but I didn't know what it was. The baddest thing was my grandma, she had alzheimer and it happend that she asked me these questions in intervals of 5 minutes and less again and again and again - in front of my whole family. Of course, she did nothing wrong but that always made me feel so bad and I got depressions for days, thinking I'm a looser and just wanted to drop dead. I even didn't want to see my family some times and made exuses for not participating on family celebrations.

    So then, I started to build up a facade making others believe that I don't want a partner at all, describing myself as some kind of hard guy walking alone through the world. The questions stopped but now they all may think I'm a maverick, some kind of strange lone wolf.

    Somehow it reflected back to me again and I started to believe it b myself. I became emotionally distant. Empathy to other persons and their problems tending to zero. If someone tells me about his problems I compare them to mine and often I think "so what, that's all?".

    Now it feels like no one is interrested in me anymore. They may be frightened by all that sh** I told. I can fully understand as that was exactly what I wanted to achieve but maybe that was a bad idea. I don't know how to get out of this, I can't just tell them "Hey, funny story, I always lied to you all because I'm addicted to fapping to hardcore porn".

    I hope you can understand, I need to translate some words to english and I'm not sure if I pick the right translations.

    Has someone experienced sth. similar? Any thoughts?
     
    Frühlingstimme likes this.
  2. Green_Tea

    Green_Tea Fapstronaut

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    Hey man, I've actually had a very similar process take place within myself as well. Just stay strong and work on your socializing skills. Try to connect with people instead of focusing on how you don't have a girlfriend. You need to develop your own sense of self-worth that doesn't rely solely on having a girlfriend. I don't know what your overall situation is but don't be afraid to talk to people (men and women); most people are not judging you as much as you may think they are. Give the addiction time to heal and things will change; if you regularly interact with women you find interesting (such as co-workers), then ask them out for coffee sometime. You might as well give it a try, who knows where it might lead.
     
  3. Consistent

    Consistent Fapstronaut

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    Ithastochange, great that you recognize the self decit and the game you played. It's not hard to fix. Stay engaged with your friends and family. Try to be warm hearted and interested in their hardships. You don't have to talk about it with them...just be the man you really are. if someone asks you about why you were such a hard ass before, just tell them you were protecting yourself! laugh it off.
     
    noFapToTheFuture likes this.
  4. Frühlingstimme

    Frühlingstimme Fapstronaut

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    I've been through the same as you, only for a different reason.

    We have same age, I'm 30, and I am alone, but I actually want to be alone. You made up a story to please your family, I think I feel deep down that I want to be alone.

    Look, I mean no insult, but no girl whatsoever had a crush on you? You didn't go out of the house? Maybe it's really the excessive fapping?

    Because I too was a fapper addict, I think I didn't want a girl before because I was Ok with my porn and too busy to care enough about taking care of myself and go out and search a girl. Right now I am on day 39 of hard mode, and my firm belief of wanting to be alone is still something I carry very close to my heart.

    And what is the strangest, is that I had some girls have a crush in me the last years, but I think they showed interest because I was making pretty clear I don't want anything with them, so it started as a sort of a joke. I read many stories on my blog, and there is one, of a depressed girl, who complains and complains that she wants a boyfriend, she doesn't want to be alone -- yet twice she rejected boys who she thought were not good enough for her, kind of pointless behavior.

    I try my best to avoid giving love advice on this site because it never ends, but your case is special because the lies you told put you in trouble, and those lies may prevent you from getting a girlfriend in the future.

    I think you should let your parents think you are a loner, but start caring for yourself, and to your close friends, or someone who is close to you, you should say the truth, like you're telling us. Keeping this lie to everyone will only hurt you.

    And I'll just let you know, being alone is awesome too if you can be happy about it, so don't worry and have a happy one, my friend :)
     

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