I feel alienated from my IRL-friends

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by melville, Jun 26, 2020.

  1. melville

    melville Fapstronaut

    Recently, I've become much more frustrated with my friends. The reason is that since I've indulged in NoFap, I feel like I've come to pay much more attention to my friends, to whom porn addiction is a real issue. I can kind of sense their depression when I'm around them and I can hear it in the way they talk about women. It hurts me to see them like this. However, they are not seeing the problem themselves, which is why they are not receptive to NoFap.

    Generally speaking, the more I learn about the horrendous harms of habits like P, the more I feel alienated from my friends. How do I deal with this?
  2. Awedouble

    Awedouble Fapstronaut

    Recognize you may not have as much in common as you used to, and you may need to make new friends.

    What is IRL? Just knowing people face to face? Is the common interest real?

    You may even get to a point where other people rebooting may feel like it's too superficial, just counting days. In a way it's the social dimension of ignorance is bliss.
    Mahz -- and melville like this.
  3. Elm0

    Elm0 Fapstronaut

    Exactly my thoughts. If meeting with someone makes you feel drained, then maybe you grew apart or you have very conflicting worldviews. It happened with my friends from university - after graduating it turned out that studying at the same place and having the same educational goals was the main reason for our friendship. When it ended, the relationship lost most of its fuel. Some people allow their friendships to evolve and try to find new things to do together, other just don't want to put any additional effort and let their relationships peter out. If that's the case, it's usually better to limit the frequency of meetings and try finding new friends.
    melville likes this.
  4. melville

    melville Fapstronaut

    Thanks a lot guys. You might be right, but I reckon that it's not their fault. They are just subject to unhealthy addictions. They are not bad people or anything like that. I feel like I, as their friend, should to some degree take some responsibility to help them out. It's just that I cannot help people who don't want to be helped.

    Anyway, if making new friends is the best solution to the problem, how do you make new friends? It might be a silly question, but I'm 27 and I haven't made new friends for years. I feel like friendships take years to build up and a lot of people are simply satisfied with the friends that they are already having.
    BurgerChamp likes this.
  5. Elm0

    Elm0 Fapstronaut

    For me the simplest way is to just go and start doing stuff you like or want to try - in group with strangers. I met a lot of new cool people by going to language course. You will have similar goal (learning new language) and it helps to find some connection from the start. I also feel that linguistically inclined people are more interested in forming new relationships with strangers than f.e. engineers.

    Of course it could be something completely different (dancing classes, martial arts, boardgames, some volunteer work) depending on your interests. It wouldn't work if you are lukewarm or not interested in some activity. If you aren't sure, then it doesn't hurt to give it a try though.

    On the other hand, personally I don't really believe that you can form lasting friendships with people from daily work. You all go there for a living, to earn money - and it kinda defines the character of your relationship. It was considerably harder for me to strike friendships with work colleagues. But it might also depend on the kind of job you have.
    Last edited: Jul 3, 2020
    melville and BurgerChamp like this.

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