I feel hopeless (Not hopeless anymore, i success)

It should work (i hope)
Human brain work like that.When you do something longer you make a habit.I do this for like two weeks or so,i can say i progress a little.
At first it was looking awful,but now it looks fine (i mean watching regular sex).
For few months doing this daily i think it will pay off.

 

Believe me i already tried that.I was doing nofap hardmode for 2+ years and nothing has ever change.
I need to try something else.of course i learned some things in that 2 years,but if i put what i learned on side then nothing have changed.
Here is only different that i didn't start with vanilla porn and i was never attracted to it,so it means i can be poisoned by that.

 

Trigger warning

Watching vanilla porn for like half hour,with half erection and barely able to O
This leads nowhere

 

I get a bit improvement, at first it was disqusting to watch regular porn,now i m fine with it,but all other are same..
To be honest i m feeling shame to look for therapist about this

 

Good news people, i m very happy, but i didn't success yet.

TRIGGER WARNING:I let all my fetishes in abyss, i m not doing nofap right now, when fantasies about my fetishes come in mind i just start to think about something more normal and regular(vanilla sex) i changing thoughts.
I started watching regular porn in september, at first it was disgusting(i was like no way i will do this) now i m really fine with it, i can say i like it.At first month of doing this i need to watch regular porn for like 1 hour (maybe a bit less) to have like 60% of erection and barely able to O.Now i can watch regular porn and sometimes i can get half erection without touching, but sometimes don't.If i use touch i easy go to atleast 80% erection, last days i sometimes goes full erection and i can O in less than 20 minutes(without forcing).

But there is no feeling of arousal like on fetishes just erections, anyway that will come with time i guess. It's crazy hard to deal with NOT porn induced fetishes, after 2 years of doing nofap hardmode(greatest streak of mine was around 270 days no P no M no O) nothing really changed in terms of regular things, but i learned much another things like self control, porn is a lie, virtuel world where you can easy lost.

I have seen some success stories about porn induced fetishes here on nofap, but i want to know if there are people who was able to defeat NOT porn induced fetishes? When i said not porn induced i mean pre porn induced, like you had them from early childhood or you remember you were attracted to it before you even know what is porn. I have seen only one success story about that, i have really look though all the forums and found only one,but that guy is not active so i cant ask him anything.

if someone is in similar situations please let me know, i want to gain as much information as i can.

Thank you people you have no idea how this is important to me!

 

Looking for a sexual therapist i really look to do as a last resort. I m just ashamed for that. How well i understand i need to find root, to remember how it happened and started. I know how and when that shit started and i can't forget while i m alive.
As a child and later years of life i was very insecure person, ashamed, self sabotaging all of that because of way i was thinking, i was always thinking i m not worth enough and very likely always put others first before myself.

Trigger warning: I didn't only stop fetishes things and switch to vanilla i did all that is in my power:
-I was always insecure as i said before. Now i only brings positive affirmations to my brain(i stopped self sabotaging)
-I m trying to make my comfort zone larger. Few days ago i was at shopping, i was buying some clothes,there was a girl, she is working at that shop.She seems to me beautiful. So i just started a talk with her, said few funny things, we laughted a bit.(It was my first time i saw her) and i did that on purpose because i feel insecure, just to wide comfort zone.
-I m changing my internal dialog.

Trigger warning:I have show some progress in doing this, and i hope and can pull this on my own. Just to make clear, i know i can't undone those fetishes they are deep part of me i m aware of that. Let those fetishes stay i m okay with that. I want to be able to have regular sex,to have erection to pussy,ass,boobs and to be able to stay hard during sex.

 

I have written some affirmations to paper 10 of them to read everyday for 21 days, i m thinking of starting with training, weight lifting because i have them here at my home.

Trigger warning: Today i was able to get aroused just by thinking about regular sex without touching, i felt that sensation though the di*k. I don't remember that happening before i wasn't even in process of watching porn, arousal was very weak but it happened that is what is important to me.

 

Hi mate, thank you for joining.

I m sure we can change things, there must be a way. Believing and going forward is key.
So you have fetish from childhood before porn too?

 

Thank you for kind words man, i was on edge for very long i just don't have any other choice.
But this time i want to make myself comfortable and adapt.

Some wise people like Nikola Tesla and much others great scientist were always speaking about mind and thoughts power.
"Your thoughts create your reality. Your mind is more powerful than you know."
It's somehow goes this way: "Your beliefs becomes your thoughts, your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your action become your habit, your habit become your values, your values become your destiny".
So if you believe you can success, brain is flexible muscle, some things can't be undone or forgotten but new things can always be learned.
Average man needs 66 days (18-254 depending) to form a habit.

Trigger warning: If some people can go from vanilla to femdom addiction or sissy or anything other, then i can go from femdom to vanilla. Regular sex is something that all human need to be aroused at least once, even animals have sex, so i refuse to believe it's not possible for me. Only difference here is that i have femdom and foot fetish in early childhood, long before porn. It will make things way harder but, it should not be a barrier.

 

I will be honest here after every update, honest to me and honest for people who have similar problems and not porn induced fetish(s).
Be ready for some triggers.

Few days ago i tried to MO to vanilla fantasy and i did it. First i was just thinking about it, i refused to get erection with touching and thinking. I was just thinking and it took some time maybe 10 minutes!(It's long time i know but without touching) after i got erection (it was around 60%) i started MO it got to full erection after minute or 2.
When i watch vanilla porn sometimes i m able to get erection without touching but sometimes not. When i watch porn or do MO and using touch i can get erection every time(But it's very rare to feel arousal, i think i felt arousal just very few times for vanilla).

But i have in mind that i did masturbate last 22 or 23 days(every day once, i was doing hardmode from octobar 19 to octobar 29 so i take a little break) in a row so i might have drain myself, i did on regular sex on which i never had arousal before or erection.
So i will do no PMO hardmode for maybe a week or more, just to wash fetishes away, and continue with this. I m planning to PMO or MO once a week to vanilla just to see if that makes a difference, because after a week of hardmode i will feel desire for anything that have connection with woman.

In few words just small steps, two months ago i was disgusted when i was thinking about vanilla, i was like no way i will ever do this, who like this anyway?
One month ago i was fine with watching it and thinking to do it, i can say i like it.
Now i m able to get erections with fantasy or vanilla porn, sometimes even without touching.
This is not end of road gaining arousal will be final thing to do and i will do with combination of hardmode.

 

First i said i will give a break for 7 days but i decided to take only 3 days break from this.

Trigger warning

I waited longer than one day for purpose, because my loads was almost empty PMO to vanilla for 23 days in row is draining.
Few moments ago i was at 3rd days hardmode i decided to watch vanilla porn and M, and i can tell you my erection was strong like when i was watching those fetish crap back in the day, i m very surprised i didn't expect for it to be so good, within 2 minutes of watching vanilla porn i was able to get 100% erections without touching, it was little arousal nothing crazy.
I m really happy.