Iv been around the forums For about 6 months and Iv been up and down in my attempts to give up porn. I'm so over this shit. Honestly had enough of it, it's just this continual dark cloud that hangs over my head constantly. I feel somewhat helpless in what it has over me. I try to give up and get a strong will, but moments of weakness bring me down. I have lots of time on my hands alone due to shift work which is really tough. When I'm around the wife I'm generally ok, it's just 8-10 hours alone is killer. Cam sites are my absolute killer. I don't understand ut, my wife is hot and good to me sexually, i just seem to always want to look at porn. I'm successfull in my life otherwise, this just brings me down. I can't keep wasting hours upon hours of my life on this shit. Any help is appreciated guys.
The addiction is a trained way to flee from making decisions, and to cope with inner fears and doubts. To get away, you need to retrain your brain. As a first guide, look into yourself when you feel the first tiny urges arise. In what kind of situation are you in exactly that moment? It helps tremendously to relax in just that moment when you feel the first tiny urge. Close your eyes and lie down. Just let your thoughts pass by, like a cloud on the sky. It takes only 3 minutes, and the urge is gone! Try to change your mindset to "doing", and get away from "thinking". When you feel you begin to "think without doing", then try to get to "doing" as quickly as possible. That "doing" and "deciding" mindset is tremendously important. "Doing" is giving you happyness and a fulfilled life. You just need to repeat and train it. It becomes better and better over time.
While that is true for a lot of us, it's not a prerequisite to develop an addiction. Porn is simply a supper-stimuli that pushes all of the right buttons in our brains. Because of that it's also an extremely useful tool to escape reality with all of it's problems, but that isn't always the case. As Gary Wilson (YBOP) and Gabe Deem (Reboot Nation) like to point out; addiction is related to measurable changes in the brain and it isn't necessarily a sign of underlying issues. Saying that, a lot of us who are battling this addiction for years do have some underlying issues (i.e. escapism) that keep us relapsing over and over again. It's what many of us notice. I'm engaged to a beautiful woman who loves me very much and is "good to me sexually" as well, but I was still drawn to extreme porn use. This article explains what we go through in this situations nicely: http://yourbrainonporn.com/doing-what-you-evolved-to-do The best help I can offer you is www.yourbrainonporn.com - read it, watch it, study it. You will get all the tools and the motivation you need from it. As far as support is concerned - we are here for you
regarding the urges...i saw a video here about pain versus suffering. the analogy was if you go to gym and then ur muscles are aching at home. then you're in pain but you're enjoying the pain cause you're proud of the gym routine. but if the muscles are hurting cause of labor that u dont like then you're suffering. your body isnt accepting the pain. maybe that's what urges are about. let them come and go... one quote that helps me is: pain of discipline versus pain of regret videos on: how to accept terrible thoughts, you are not your thoughts, anxiety curve...helped me maybe put blockers so you cant watch porn for a few days. its like if ur leg hurts then u dont play a sport cause the leg has to heal. likewise if the mind is obsessed with porn, maybe block the access to porn till the mind heals or at least starts healing.
Thanks for the help guys. Some great points made and info here. Just need to put these tools into action now.
Well yes, for sure, every person must be viewed individually. Similar is true in alcohol addicition. Some people are only biologically addicted, others are using it as escapism/coping, others have true brain injuries. Without doubt, porn is an extreme stimulation to any (male) brain; However, when you are not able to go beyond it, it is called an impulse control disorder, and you feel addicted. This might be combined with escapism or possibly, someone even doen not know what the "right" thing would be at all! I found that the best way to "overcome" a sex addiction is doing something which gives you higher satisfaction than porn can give you. And this is in fact to do fulfilling things. Once I truly begin to work on things I truly want, then it's like going into another world. And porn is then like forgotten. BTW, for me, I found that the stimulus in porn and sex is mainly the arousment and thrill that comes by seeking, hiding and interacting with those "secret things" which your parents and society have "forbidden" to you. The world of porn and sex seemed to be a more "free" world to me, while the world of my parents seemed to be narrow-sighted and suppressed.
Yes, totally. It is the easiest way to make true progress. When an urge comes, then lean back, close your eyes, relax, and just let the thoughts go by. Like clouds on the sky. It takes 3 minutes, and already the "sky" clears up - the urge is gone! It's that simple! It's like a ghost, trying to scare you.
I must admit, I feel my addiction has went on for a long long time. I'm in my early 30s now and since I started with porn when I was around 13-14, Iv always used it very often, I can recall at an age of 16 or so going 5-6 times in one night to various magazines! I don't feel it's stemmed from escapism, more from the fact that I'm quite impulsive and I know it feels good, so IV always done it a lot.
