I keep relapsing because I fear that "I will miss out something in life"

Hello

What I mean is that I fear that I won't live my life to the fullest if I don't engage in some things.

I am 23, don't smoke, don't drink, don't take any drugs, I'm introverted as hell, so the only thing "I have" is PMO currently.

I just feel that if I also give up PMO, I'm gonna live like some Jehova Witnesses or Amish People for the rest of my life, whereas I'd be looking at the people in my age who smoke, drink alcohol, take "light" drugs like weed, engage in PMO or fornication, are extroverted which means they can connect to each other quickly, go out partying without having a nervous breakdown.

I was able to ignore this if I'd be granted PMO. But now, something like 2 weeks in, I kind of got this realization why it's been so tough for me to give up PMO. I was PMO'ing because I wanted to live, and to experience life, not to waste it.

I mean, if we're healthy, we are something like 80-90 years here on this planet. So one fourth of my life has already passed.

Is this bullshit? I just can't imagine going into Monk mode (whether you see it as a Christian or Buddhist monk) and not enjoy life. I obviously wouldn't fall into depression, but it's the same feeling I've got when I was forced to go asleep early as a kid, I always thought that I was missing out on life as the adults didn't go sleep.

But I simply can't "break myself" and go out being extroverted, smoking, drinking alcohol, partying.

I've got a good friend, and he's basically the extroverted version of me. He often writes to me that he was at a party, or at a concert (pre-covid), and that his head hurts because he's been drunk. If he'd be about to write a diary, it would be a whole cinema movie, whereas my life is comparable to the life of my grandparents who just sit in their room and complain when watching TV

Edit: This is also the same reason why I keep eating Fast Food mainly, because If I'm gonna eat "normal dishes", I will have the feeling that I keep missing out something in life (here: tasty food)

 

It is because we want to experience a real and happy life, that we do what we do.

Is porn and masturbation what you consider living life to the fullest? Then do it. Seriously.

But you came here, so something tells me that you felt too that PM is consuming you.
The reason we try to get rid of PM is because its enslaving, and it doesn't provide real happiness. No matter how much, how exciting or for how long you do it, you don't feel fulfilled.
Pleasure? Sure, but only briefly.
True happiness and peace? Not at all.

Giving up PMO isn't going to magically make your life better. It's one of the several ways of improving your life, because it is mentally, emotionally and physically consuming.
The "superpowers" that people feel is the natural way they would have filled for all those years if they hadn't PM.
More energy, more willpower, more drive, less anxiety, less shame, less intrussive sexual thoughts, more strenght, more sex drive for REAL SEX... and of course, being actually FREE, which is something often overlook.

Is what you do with those extra-"resources" what actually improves your life.

PM doesn't make your life better. They don't provide the ultimate experience of life. They are just a potent anesthesic, easier to get that morphin. (I felt this too man, i'm going through the same.)
But i wouldn't qualify that as life. Being forever chained to a machine which gives you endorphins and dopamine shots, under the yoke of the matrix. For fuck's sake, i've seen cattle with better lifes.

You have to ask yourself what you really desire, what your heart actually longs for.
Is it masturbation? I bet no.
You said it: you want to life live to the fullest. So,
What does it means?

Answer those questions, and find the way to achieving what you want. It will be hard of course, but that's what it takes to be succesful in life.

And about being introverted: i know it's hard man, for real, but you have to fight. You have to get out and expose yourself to the fears of the outside. And you will feel fear, shame, anxiety, and for sure sometimes you will be embarrased or rejected, and will want to go home. But that's not an option. Not if you want to be happy.

 

Porn is trash. There is nothing to be proud of when indulging in that sort of stuff.

Same thing with all type of drugs. Alcohol can be fine in moderation, I guess. A beer from time to time with some friends won't hurt you.

But forget the rest. You don't need it to live life to its fullest. Far from it.

Only thing you will miss out on is how to feel miserable overtime.

If that's what you want, then go for it.

Otherwise, don't.

 

True. I came here because PMO does not fulfill me. After PMO'ing for several years, I just got tired of watching pixels and pretending to be in those kind of films.

What I want is the real thing. And what I mean is: To live out my fantasies and what I've seen in such kind of films. I tried writing to several women online who were publishing certain pictures of themselves on reddit with "free DMs" or "PM me", just to find out that they wrote this to sell their other products (and not just to sex chat).

So basically having no other option available, I don't see it worth continuing for now. But I think about what to do once I move out and will live on my own (in terms of prostitutes, OnlyFans and other things).

Being able to drink (I am not drinking alcohol because there were and are some severe cases of alcoholics in my family, and I'm afraid I might become one of them), not being afraid to smoke (basically just for socializing and the buzz you get from it, I know that this is dangerous and addictive), being able to party, being able to connect to new people easily, having friends with whom you'll be hanging out in the middle of the night (and not the "Nerd" friends I've got now), not being paranoid and anxious about certain things (it's bothering my mind if my shirt gets a little bit dirty for example), especially not feeling inferior to "chads" (although there aren't any chads in my country, the chads here are actually beanpoles who drank three coffees at once).

I'm too strict with myself, and the only positive thing is when my grandma is proud of me being "a good boy" who "doesn't drink and smoke".

In general being more spontaneous, being able to go and enjoy concerts and festivals (once when covid is over). I'm always afraid that I'm gonna get robbed or that I'm gonna be beaten up by some drunk people, that's why I can't understand how my friend I've mentioned earlier can attend concerts

 

That's why I want to quit it, it does nothing to me. It's just abusing yourself with the help of some pixels.

But nevertheless I want the "real thing", at least some kind of a real human connection, and to replicate what I've seen in certain films.

That's why I've been writing about prostitutes or OnlyFans or something different.

It's like you've been drinking coffee for several years, but now it doesn't bother you that much, so you give it up because there's no point in continuing to drink coffee. But nevertheless you want "the real thing" like nootropics or even drugs like cocaine.

I know, in the end, it's better. I just don't understand how can people of my age just go out, partying, connecting to random and unknown people, drink and get drunk, smoke.

It was difficult living at a dormitory because of it (now due to covid we all had online learning at home), or when attending weddings, I was literally sleeping in my car whereas random people were connecting with each other, drinking and smoking weed.

When I first arrived at my dormitory, my friend I've mentioned asked me "Why I didn't go outside and party", just on the very first day, whereas I was crying in my room because I was missing home

One thing which is bothering me is that I most often don't know how to response and react to other people (when they are joking but I find those jokes unfunny, or when they are asking me small talk questions). I'm just not "an entertainer", I have to think before I give a response.

 

Good point.

You're right, I just have 3 months of vacation and I'm doing nothing. Basically laying in my bed watching YouTube.

When I was younger, like when I was a kid, my hobbies besides playing were drawing comic books.

Right now, I don't really know what I should do. It's hard to find a hobby. I could pre-learn the material for the next semester, but I don't know what else.

 

David Goggins takes no drugs whatsoever and never drinks, and I'm certain he avoids porn too. He's one of the most extroverted guys today. He definitely has sex though cause he has a wife. Trump says he never drinks either, not too sure about his drug use though. I'm significantly cutting my alcohol consumption and trying to replace PM with sex and I don't feel less confident at all.

 

That's what I'm trying to say:

I cannot currently replace PMO with real sex because I neither have a gf or wife, nor do I have the access to prostitutes or massage places

I've relapsed yesterday and it still felt like shit because there is "no other person" in the room to interact with

 

Don't give up porn then. Instead, start adding new things to your life that you think might be interesting. Join a volleyball league, and when you aren't at volleyball you can FAP your little heart out. Take a cooking class, and then go home and cum buckets to whatever gets you going. How about improv comedy? Sign up, attend, and then go home and get right back to your favorite pass time. And at some point, if you find that you'd like to actually live a life instead of beating off all day then you can go do that.

 

No it isn't. If you don't want to give up porn (he says he doesn't). Instead, start adding other things to your life. You know, like the rest of my post suggested.

 

Of course not. That isn’t what I said. Did you read the rest of my post?

 

Living life to fullest while jerking off? Impossible.